Life of Cristancia
by Cristancia-the-witch
Summary: first fic, it's really good. It's sorta a crossover, but not yet and will be crossed over with many things so I will keep it here. I hopr ya'll enjoy Cristancia, my OC. It takes place in Harry's 4th year.
1. Chapter 1

**hey ya'll this is me saying this is my story, but charcters liek harry n stuff dont belong to me, only Cris and a few others. ENJOYZzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!**

Cristancia Winifred Kisama was no oridnary girl, maybe....

She is the daughter to Snape, but he didn't know about her, she is also Tonk's second cousin. Roy Mustard was her Brother-in law, even though she didn't have a sister and Roy wasn't married. But he's dating Riza *winkwinknudgenudge*

I forgot to mention, She's half sister to Inuyasha and the reincarntion of Naruto, even though he's not dead.

Now that we got her _known_ family out of the way, let's talk about Cristancia... we'll just call her Cris because that name is too damn long :/

Okay, so Cris isn't normal... but she's not weird either. She's the perfect gurl. Cris is be-ooty-ful, she has shoulder length hair, that's a little past shoulder length... even though I just said it WAS shoulder length. lol Her hair is usually a poop brown, but because she fucked around with Alchemy, she ended up getting silver hair! And cause she's perfect and therefore related to Tonks, she is a Metamorphmagus. She was skinny and not freakishly tall and sometimes had dog ears cause Inuyasha is her half brother. She had J cup breasts that she can inflate and deflate, they defy gravity too. She's sexy, cute, spunky and every other characteristic because she's perfect. Her eye color changes depending on her mood, Red when angry, blue when sad, green when happy, gold when she sees the future. Somewhere in her she is part Veela and Vampire, witch and Alchemist, and probably a lot more.

Late in the summer, school was approaching. Cristancia Winifred Kisama didn't want to go back to school, she wanted to do something more. She was practicing alchemy, her mother taught her how. Cris never knew her dad, he worked at some weird school or something. She knew she had a brother, but he was off training in the Feudal era with some Japanese girl and a squirrel boy or maybe a fox boy.

"This is so boring!" Cris yelled to the wall, hoping it would talk to her again. Cris touched her silver hair, it reminded her of when she revived her pet elephant Bubo, and it actually worked, however, she had to give up her poop brown hair for silver hair. Cris is really good at alchemy and magic. She was tranfering to Hogwarts... so she could get warts or learn magic. Cris looked at her hair and turned it to a cute light blue that gave her a loli look. She picked up a sword sitting in her closet. It was forged from the tooth of her Half-Brother's dad. It turned into a huge sword that was erect with power.

She swung it around and did some magic and alchemy for fun. Then she got hungry and left her room to go to the kitchen. She popped her head through the door and pointed at the walls, "You better talk when I come back!" She said and wagged her finger disproveningly at the wall.

When she got her food, she saw through the window, a bunch of birds.... no owls... wait those are birds...

Anyway, they were coming right at her! She screamed and they broke thorugh the glass.

"Ahhh!"

She clapped her hands together and alchemy got to work, she took out her fake wand too, cause she still needed to buy a real one, but it was good enough.

"Avada Kadvra!!" She shouted and a green light burst from the tip and killed all the owls.

She wiped her sweat off and took a note from the bird. She didn't mean to kill them, but her mom hated birds.

Then the door burst open and a women with long flowing poop brown hair walked in, "I'm home Cristancia Winifred Kisama!" Her mom cired happily using her full name and hugging her.

"o hai." Cris replied in a small voice, still clutching the note letter thing that reaked of dead animals.

"Whacha got there?" Mommy asked sweetly. But Cris didn't liek sweet thing and gagged. She showed her the letter.

"What does it mean mom? Can I go to Hogwarts now?" She asked fast and excitedly. Her mom nodded smiling, "We'll go to Diagon alley later okay, so go get yourself ready."

Cris let out a really high pitched squeal that sounded like a Dolphin mixed with Winry going 'Eeeeee!' and Katie and Sadie from Total Drama Island going 'Eeeeee!'

Cris ran back upstairs and put on some skimpy Ambercrombie clothes that showed off her expandable breasts, she increased their size and turned to the walls, "Sorry... but I'm leaving you. Their all sorts of walls I'll encounter at Hogwarts."

Anyways, they arrived at Diagon Alley and were looking round the shops and at Cris's letter that told her what to buy. She loked at it one more time, but then lied and looked at it several othe times.

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL_  
_ of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY _

_ Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_  
_ (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_  
_ Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_ Dear Ms. Kisama,  
_

_ We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._  
_ Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31._

_ Yours sincerely, _

_ Minerva McGonagall_  
_ Deputy Headmistress_

_ The second page with requirements says_

_ HOGWARTS SCHOOL_  
_ of WHICHCRAFT and WIZARDRY_

_ UNIFORM_  
_ First-year students will require:_  
_ sets of plain work robes (black)_  
_ plain pointed hat (black) for day wear_  
_ pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)_  
_ winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)_  
_ Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags._

_ COURSE BOOKS_  
_ All students should have a copy of each of the following:_

_ The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)_  
_ by Miranda Goshawk_

_ A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot_

_ Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling_

_ A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch_

_ One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_  
_ by Phyllida Spore_

_ Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger_

_ Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _  
_ by Newt Scamander_

_ The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_  
_ by Quentin Trimble_

_ OTHER EQUIPMENT_

_ 1 wand_  
_ 1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)_  
_ 1 set glass or crystal phials_  
_ 1 telescope_  
_ 1 set brass scales_

_ Students may also bring and owl OR a cat OR a toad._

_ PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS_

It was July 30th, my mom could use her bat (cause she hated birds) to send the letter of approval to . Bubo the elephant poked his trunk out of Cris's coach bag. He was a Pygmy elephant, so he was the size of a dog.

"Where to first mum?" Cris asked putting on a brit accent cause we flew to Britain and decided to live there instead of boring Ohio in boring America, where the Wizarding School there was called Salem or someshit like that. Cris smiled, it was her first time going to Hogwarts, but she was actually 14 going to her 4th year cause she is a transfer student.

"Dur hurrrr." Her mom replied stupidly, "We needs to go to Gringoats and get our money."

Cris nodded, and they went to a big white building (Not the white house!) When they walked inside a bunch of wigger midgets where there. They had long noses and teeth and fingers. Everything they had was long... even though they were short.

"Heheh lonnnng." Cris's mom said giggly. "Shut up mom." Cris said vary angerly and she looked pissed. So Cris left her mom to wait and she walked to the counter, "Yo short Midget." Cris got his attention.

He loooked up, stoking his long white bear. "Might I help you?"

"Yes, I need my money." Cris told him, "HOLY SHIT!" The goblin screamed.

"Waht?" Cris asked looking cunfuzzled. He pointed at herm, and at the scar on her shoulder "You're scar! You're Cristancia Winifred Kisama!"

"Oh my scar? I got that cause Lord Voldy visted me and tried to kill me, but then I got this scar from him and then he gave a scar to some other kid." Cris mumbled.

"Aye, that be Harry Potter." The goblin said and Handed me all my money, which was a lot cause Cris is rich. "kk, I'm going bye!" She said and left the wigger midgets.

"Okay, where to now mom?" She asked looking at her money and starting some charities on the sideline. Mom took some of Cris's money and bought all her books. We got my robes and hats, and cauldrons and all that type of stuff. I went to the pet store and bought an owl. I showed mom that birds were cool and not scary.

Cris then named the bird Nemo. Nemo and Bubo looked happy together. CRis grinned and showed off her sparkly white teeth that were very straight.

Cris bought a firebolt 2010 and went to go buy her wand. The dude was old and wrinkly. He smelled like old cheese and waved his wand around like a farie princess.

"EXCUSE ME I WOULD LIKE MY WAND." Cris said, turned around and gave her a wand.

"Oak, 5 inches, hippogriph feather, good for turning cum to water." He said like a Robot. Cris looked at him like 'wtf man?' But she picked it up, and failed, it exploaded everything... turning it into cum. The olive wand guy then gave Cris a knew wand. It was very pretty and glowed in her arms.

"11 inches, holly, and a pheonix in da core." He reported, "Sweet." Cris whispered.

Then the old man looked bac me, "I've given that's wands brother's out already, now it's sister is out." he mumbled. I nodded and walked away and met my mom outside. She had my stuff, so we could go. And so, we hopped into our flying car and headed for the train station to stay. I didn't notice a pair of beatuful green almond shaped eyes watching me, hidden under glasses.

**sorry, the pov got mixed up a lil. I'm keeping it in Cris's POV (ME HEHEH!) I hope you enjoyed ^_________^**

**My friend told me this wasn't good and it looked like I trolled it, idk what that means, but.... CRIS IS NOT A TROLL! SHE'S BEE-OOTY-FULL!**

**so next chapter their will be Harry and company (btw this takes place during goblet of gire) n I'm probably putting in other characters too. And my friend made me make her original hair poop brown IDFK Y! She said her name was long too! But it's not! My name isn't Cris or Cristancia, but i Want it to be D: So yeah, thanks alot heather for making those stupid changes! tho it was pretty fun when her moms hair was poop brown, cuz she's a comedy character. But thanks to Heather for spellchecking it and giving me the supply list thingy.**


	2. Cristancia's House

**Okay, Im back guts. Here's the new chapter ^_^ In Cris's POV.**

**and seriously Simply-Dakota sam goes to bomby guy MY NAME IS NOT MICHELLE! IT NEVER HAS BEEN AND I WILL CHANGE IT TO BE CRIS! It sounds cooler, and idk what a Mary-Sue is you gangin gup on me woth Heather ain't yya? N heather actually came up wit the name Cristancia, she said she saw it in an awesome vid, and I like the name too.**

**and thanks for da reviewsss! BTW to others, my sis name is Michelle you mean her?  
**

I was sitting at the train station with my mom, she had just told me about my dad being a professor at the school I will go to. Hogwarts... I wonder why they named it that, were they near warthogs or something?

Anyway, I watched as people began to come by, I had my big trunk with me. Nemo's cage was attached to the trunk,people or as my mom called them, 'Miggles' looked at me strangely. They weren't magical like me. I stuck the middle finger to tell them to fuck off.

After a while, we saw many people dressed in robes walking around, they walked thorugh the wall. I gasped.

"By mom, see you soon, I'lll send you owls!" I shouted running into the the walk and disappearing.

When I came out, I was a huge train. It was black and red. I went on the train and headed into the nearest compartment. There was a boy with golden hair and gloden eyes. His hair was long and braided slightly. He wore a big coat that was red and black clothes. He had his gloves off and had a mechnial hand.

I sat next to him, "Hi!" I said happily, he turned to me, his eyes grew wide.

"Y-your beootyful." He whispered and then bluched a lot. I turned around, "What?" I asked supsiously, like a look thta said 'Don't fuck with me'

"Noyhing." he w=said blushing again, I blushed too.

"Meh name is Cristancia Winifred Kisama, call me Cris or ya die mkays?"

"kay, I'm Edward Elric, call me Ed plz." I nodded. I sat down next to him. Soon, another person came in, more like a thing. It was a gaint suit of armor.

"Hi." He waved at me and Ed.

"Yo Al." Ed replied back.

"Hold on... Edward and Alphonse Elric?" I stured, they turned to me. "What?"

"MY mom use to live near you mom" I todl them. Ed looked down sadly, so did Alphonse.

"Whut?" I asked looking at them. "Our mom is dead and our dad left us, but we see him sometimes." They said simotaniously. I looked down sadly "My dad idk where he is..." i said sadly.

Ed hugged me and we went into a passinavate kiss and our tonuges tied and that icky gross and sexy shit. Al looked at us like he was the dramtic parie dog thing, LOL RELAY FUNNY VIDEO TOO LAMO!

then moar peps came in, harry potter, he ad a scar on his face and glasses and looked kinda sexy even thouh me and Ed ar BF AND GF!

Hermes Granget was rely smart and she probably had vagina ache or something. she had bushy hair and buck teeth... WTF EWWW?

ron weasl walked in too with his sis Ginny and Ginger. They all waved. I waved back.

The boys even teh girls looked at me like I was hot andd theyw anted to sexted me. Ed glared, "SHES MINE!"

We all sat down and eat snacks we stole, actully they just gave me them cause I was so beautiful. Hermione need to change so did I, we made gthe boys leave, even though i really wanned ed to see me change. WHile me and hermoine changed, i felt wet and I tackled her on the ground. There i thrusted my butt into the air and smikred as i thrusted on to her. she licked me and i licked her ad then I turned into a lion and started sexing her. Then i turned back and pretended nothing happened and erased hermonines mammorys.

the boys came back in. I kissed Edward with passion. then the train stopped and WE got off. Wihle I wuz leaveing the train I saw I hawt blonde boy w/ a green tie. He lookeded right at me. And tthen he turned and walked away and wuz it just me or did he lick his lipz b4 he wa;lked off? lol

ten dis cat walked up to me. i tought it wuz rely cute so i started petting it. i wud keep it as a pet but my dog doesnt lkike cat su i culdnt kettp her. then the cat turned into a lady.

"OMFG I THUT U WERE A KITTY!"

"HULLLO Ms. Kisama. I am Mrs. Mcgobingab anf I am going 2 b ur teacher her and i am headmisteriss. since u never been to hogwats b4 u need to b sorted into a house with the furst yrs."

"LOL WUT? BUT I AM A 4TH YR? HOW EMBARRISING?ONE!" I declarded. i wuz so mad my eyes where red. den i got sad so they were blu.

"I'm surry but u hav two." Den she walked away like a cat. lol i pet my teaceher all over. she was so furry & she purred too! LOL I bet if i keep this off i will pass that class with fleaing colours!

haha so anyway i had to walk in with a bunch of 1st years. sum of dem were pretty smexy but they were so yung so i culdn t take any of their viginityies just yeert. maybe next year212 lol jk i lieked older thiingies cause they are much larger in my experiasnce but harder to fut in ur mouth lol.

Fist they called up Edward and Alphonse they both got something called Griffindor. oh and they put a hat on too. they called up moar pwople like that are 4th years but transfered like me. Still I smiled, little nervous. they called up peple, like Nigel uno and some other Edward and they also called up some kid named Arnold kid seemed pertty cool but his head wuz shapped like a football! Then three gurls named Alex Sam and Clover whom I herd a rumor about on the hogwarts train were spies from california! LOL how cool! The code lyoko people wetre there too and were pit into sum house named jigglypuf. Also som kids named Pam Sheddie and Libby were also sorted. Libby wasn't wearing a shirt and was very fat. Pam wuz eating off of the Muggle Studie's teacher' s (Chris rock btw) plate. lol i liked her. and eddie was on a laptop. lol. i think pam and Sheddie lik e liked each other! Scandelous!

Then when the lafy who was a kittah called my name "Cristancia Winifred Kisama" and I strut up to the chair. I herd so clapping and wolf whistles which usulally happens to me. anyway the kitty put this really fugly hat on my head and i was going to yell at her cause it totally did not match my outfit consisting of tight black destroyed skinny jeans. a tight DKNY low cut shirt, prauda shoes and the howats robes with my name Bejewled on the bacjk/ anyway the hat started talked!

"Now you are a toughy. Clever, brave, loyal, smart. You could fit just about anywhere and nowhere. There is only one solution: a house of your own. CRISINDOR!"THE HAT SHOUTED.

LOL I didn't remember that house! A new table appeared in the great hall and i sat down cause i guessed that was my house. then a rely old guy who was albus dumble stoof up and sed "I no u must all b very confused but it appears that cristancia didn't quite fit into just one house so the hat created one of her own! She is in a way part of all four houses meanign that she can go into any common room she likes and gets one of her own. please make her feel welcome if she visits ur houses common room. ojkay back to the sorting!".

The sorting then finished. and we all eat a bunch of food that was there suddenly! We all eat.

Edward kept slicing up an apple and using alechemy to put it back toe gether. I giggled. Alphonse didn't eat and we all forced food into his armor. Are stuff was tooken up to our houses. My house was levitating above Hogwarts, it was rely cool. I grew vampire wings (i was part vampire cause Snapes dad aka granpappy was a vampire) and flew up to me house.

"Coool." I said, witha face plastered on my smile. Then I saw an elevator when I went in and clicked a red button and I was in the Griffyndor Coomon room. I looked arounfd and saw all my friends. and I saw Edward. I hugged him and kissed him goodnight and tooked him in his bed. He slept rly cutly and everyone was asleep but Alphonse. I looked at him, we was rather weird.

"Night al." I said

"Goodnight Cris." He said kindly, "I think we're getting our sechdules soon too!" He exclamied. i smiled and went into the elvator. Then I was in my room and it was huge and a big purple bed. I fell asleep hen.


	3. TALENT WHAAR?

**hai guys its me Cristancia. (No my real name loll) I hope u liek this episode. Cris goes to some classes and stuff happens. tanks to heather for reading n checking. luv u gurl.**

Cristancia Winifred Kisama woke up. She looked around her room and breathed and let go. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR DREAM IN ACTION! The room was purple and black and red. Cris used alchemy to mafufacer some clothes. Then she had to put her obes on and cover up clothes. Which were a grey mini. blight blue jeggings a low but T that said "TOO HAWT". Den she took a shower in her huge privet bathroom. Moaning Myrtle stopped by and looked for a while while she wuz taking a bath. Myrtlye stayed until all the bubble were all goon. Crus dont mind thu cuz she isn't a homophone on Wednesdays. When Cris was done wiff her bath she used her wand (the same kind az hazzy putter) to make herself dry and her hair perfect and put her clothes on. she wunt out to her room which was very large. There were big windows that overlooked the lake and forest. The drapery wiz blood red and was the kind of drapery that cud kill (leik the ones that kilt serious black in book 5) Cris's room had fancy wallpaper that was purpel with a black design. she had a king sized bed with a mirror on the ceiling. Cris didn't know why there was a ceiling on the mirror. As furst she thought it was to she could put her make up on while in bed but she lernt why the mirror comes in handy later on in the story. (SPOILERSZ) Cristancia also had a big wardobe that she painted black then splatted paineed lots of colours. It was a relly cool wardobe because it went to Narnia. Cris had this specialy made because talking lions fascinated her.** but **sometimes something went wrong when she tried to go to narnia because she ended up in middle earth. anyway there was a dark purple carpet made off faux leopard skins. (she couldn't half real because peeta wud **get** angry with her) There were also lots of chandeleirs that were black. Cris also had a 42'' flatscreen tv in her room it wasnt as big as the one back home but it would to. cris had a big desk on which sat her pruple macbook pro her ipod her red dsi that had pokemon heart gold inside also on the desk was a few coach purses. cris had a lot of offer stuff in her room too. like posters of some of her favorite things. A poster of Finn and Puck from Glee making out, a poster of indina menzel and kirsten chenowinth seducing a tawny polar bear some band posters like Scorpion Sandwich, Smashing Swashes, the weird sisters,MCR, Armoured Bearcub, Tears of Blood, and shane dawlson. Lastly, Cris had hannah montana's closet only with cooler clothes.

Cris then apperated (yes she can do that yet because her furst bf wuz 17 so he new and he taught her how 2 when she wuz like 12. lol) down to the great mall because she waz wearing new pumps and didn't want to half to walk alot. lol. She sat down at her table with all her faveorite foods: cheeseburgers, fries, cheesecake, hot dogs, apple pies, ice cream, pizza, and oreos. Cris could eat all she wanted to because she had an operation to keep her from gaining wieght. She would always b 85 lbs! LOL KEWL RIGHT?

"I'm so lonely with no one here!" she wailed and cried. "Someone come sit wiff me!"

Edward wud have sat with her but he was all da way across trhe room. however a hufflylypuff came and sat with her. he was very good looking and handly. He had eyes crytal blu like the shky and brown hair. The hair wasnt as poo brown as her mummys; it was more shiny and last she check her feces did not shine like a vampire in the sun. Cris would bang this huggleypuff but first of all, he was a jiggleypuff and she only naged those on occasion.

"Hullo. I am a Hufflepuff and I am Troy Bolten. I am Cedric Diggory's twin but we was separated at birfth."

"Like Tia and Tamara!" I squeed.

"LOL YEAH." Troy said.

then a girl went up in front of the teachers. "That's Stacy." Troy said. "her mom has got it gooing on"

Then stacy sed "Attention ppls! Der is gunna be a telent shoe in hogesmafde. i am runnnig a lot of events this year over there and this is the furst of many.!"

Ed cam up to her and said "we should sing 4 the talent show"

Troy grred. "NO! WE R SINGING 2GETHER"

I don't leik drama so i left. But secretly I prefered Edward after all he had a fucking metal arm and leg!

**OK GAUISE! HUGE CLIFFHANGER HERE! CRISTANCIA IS SO CONFLICTED IT'S YUMMY! FANKS AGAIN HEATHER 4 HELPING. N sorry she didn't go to classes yet, but there will be a fucking talent show! OMFG YAY!  
**


	4. CLasses and dads

**hi guys! Its me agian! SOoo I rely need reviews cause if you fookin don't gimme fookin revows then i will bury me and my fuking puppy in a whiole!111 thanks heather for checking me spelling... but why aren't you reviewing? You BITCH! lol jk loveeee youuu hestherrrr.**

Cristancia moved away from all da fucking conflicts. She liked Troy... but only has a friend I eamn I only met himz like 5 secs ago. Edward ran up to her, with Haryy and hermoine and ron and ginee and sonny(DIS IZ YOU HEATHER!1!) andf Alphonze.

Let's go to Transfiguation! Hermy said and qinked at me b/c she rememberd what happend on the bus ride to hogwarts.

'OK!' I SAID.

We all walked to transfiguration together and then when we got into the classroom and Mrs. Mcgoniglal wasn't a citty. "Settle down class" "We are going to be learing the spell Furgumeti which turns rats into cups. So do that now."

"NO! NOT MY SCABBERS!" RON YELLED.

I got a rat and placed it on the table. "Furgumenti!" I used magic. The mouse was encircled by golden shimmer like body glitter and the angeles sang as the transformation took place. It looked a lot like when Serena turned into Sailor Moon but only the rat turned into a golden jewl encrested goblet filled with the finnest bubbly water known to dolphins.

"Accio Gillies!" Cris used magik again. Her pet fish gillies fly into the goblet.

How did you get it so fast! Her friends sed in unison. Mrs. Mcgonigab came over to my desk. "Wow! You are so smart! No homework for a week and a _**GOLD STAR**_." The teacher pplaced a shiny sparkly gold sticker star on Cris's forhead. Hermione was mad because Cristancia was smarter than her and was very jealous. So jealous her face turned green. or maybe it was the bad clams she ate for breakfast...

"It's no biggy. This is simple stuff. My mommy taught it to me when I was nine. That was before mum got a nice pimp and we had to turn the house mice into kitchen utensils." Cristancia stated. She had somewhat of a troubled past...

Everyone began to crowd around her and and talk exi ctily and and it was very overwhelming to have so many people like you. _Why can't I just be an average Joe? Why do I have to be so likeable?_ It began to thunder and lightning outside.

Suddenly Cristancia had an amazinf idea of whta she woiuld do in the talent show. BUT WITH WHO?

Den she went ton charms where they leviated anvils atop eachother. I sat with ssonny and she was having trouble so i halped her. Sudenly Troy dropped his anvil on edward! I screamedddd. But then I relased that Alphonse saved his brother. Te short teacher the had a beard and white moohawk ran to al.

"Kid are you okay?" He asked in a high picthed voice.

Alphonse nodded. "Yeah..."

Then I relased something Alphonse didn't have a body... he was a suit of armor with only a fuking soul attached to it!

It was Care for creatures class. A fat of who was eating some chicken nuggets and a huge fucking soda was there.

"Mah name is Rubeous Hagrid" he boomed! Cristancia looked around and sawwwww...

FUCKING NIFFLERSz!1111111111111111111111

"OMG WHAT R THOSE ARGID?" I asked cursioudllyhydfjb. "Niflers" He said.

He told us they look for gold and shiny stuf. So I sent mine out on the ground and it dug up a lot of gold and i got to keep it.

Then I did all my other classes but potions which was next. I went over to the fucking talent show sign up sheet and signed up. But I also Edward he and me were doing it. Not fookin Troy.

So then we all went to Potions. The teahcer was professor Snape. He seemed mean. But something about him seemed vary familuar.

So we made potions I beat fucking Hermes granger. Then Snape shooked my hand. My eyes turned gold. I saw...I saw... THE FURTUREEE

There I was running up to a man in blakc cloak... it was SNAPE!

"Dad!" I shouted running up to him. Hugging him.

He began to speak in navals voice. "Oh Cristancia Winifred Kisama.. I've loked for you for so long my darlying daughter... I lvoe you Cristancia."

"Love you too Daddy." I sad anf the visane was over.

I looked at him. Would that really happen? Was Snape really my father figure? I loookd into his big black beautyiful eyes like an aybiss of loniness. I was still gripping his hand. Severis looked soulfully into my golden eyes. I then left t ed the room. Pondering. That was so emotional. It couldn't b tru! I figured me poppy was ded since mommy never mentioned him. der wuz so much i didnt know. i wept quietly in Ed's arms. He dont ask why. I leik that in a man. I fell alseep in the Gryffindor common room in eds half metal embrace!

**DUN DUN DUUUUN. HOLY FOOK I NEED MORE REVIEWS THAT WAS A GREAT CHAPTEE RIGHT?**


	5. DA TALENT SHOW 11111111

**hey bichs what up! Cirs hr again and heather is sitting next to me helping with the spell check.! kay enjoy TALENT SHOW! AND VICTORIOUS GANG IS THEERE TOOO!**

**Heathert: You sooo gay lol but i liek that show.**

**Cris: Hey dont be mean!1 I like it too!**

Wehn I was eating bacon in the cafeteria at hogwarts the morning of the talent show when I saw a bunch of well dressed foreners (theyre just american its foren cause cris aint in america.) walked through the wide oak doors. It's was the Victorious gang aka tori, cat, jade, beck, robbie, rex, and andre (trina isn't there cause shes a fooking cunt)

"OMGZ! I LUFF THOSE GUISE!" told Sonny because she sat with me because i made her because i didn't want to be lonely.

"K00l." Sunny sed. She was a wittle mood swinging because madam pomfery sed she couldnt be on the pill anymoar so she nedded to use c0nd0mz sometimes.

I pet my pet elephant. Then Stacey whent up to da frunt and said "HULLO STUDENT. Plz wwelcome some guest that will be in he talent shoe! The victoriius ppl!"

Troy, who was also sitting with us because he was shunned from the other jigglepuffs said "Stacey does not resemble her Mother." I lawled because stacey was very ugly and looked like a fart.

I walked up to the newcomerz and introduced meself. "Hi, I'm Tori Vega."

"Oh my GAWD Tori why to you always have to be first with everything!" Jade grred.

"Hey!" Tori said offernded.

" Yeah!" Cat agreed.

"You said it Cat!" Rex sed.

"WHAT"S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" Cat began to cry and burried her face in JAde's long black lushish hairs. "Shhhhshhh"Jade whispered while stroaking Kitty's locks of fusha.

Everyone else agrred that Tori was like feces and then Tori walked away. It was all very tense with the victorious ang so i walked away because i don't leik drama.

L8r i was hanging with ed in honeydukes. "Cris. None of these candies are as sweet as you." My race turned the color of cat's hair! I would kiss ed but pda aint okay.

"What song are we going to sing today?" Edward asked.

"IDK ED. How about When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus?" I said.

"Whatever you want baby." Ed replied.

"Nah That song is not a duete. There is always Secret Valentine or I need you know."

"Let's flip a coin." Eddykinz suggested.

I flipped a gallon so we will sing Secret Valentine.

I got there early for the talent show. Backstage there wasn't a lot of room for me to get ready in provet actually none at all ew! so i used magic to make my own dressing room. the door was red with a black star hanging on it that said star.

Jade went on first for the talent show. She got on stage and said "This is a song for the girl with red velet hair... I love you Kitty Cat."

Then the band started to play and Jade sang

"I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.  
I still feel your touch in my dreams.  
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why  
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.  
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.  
Need you by my side..."

I was back stage so when the song ended I saw Jade and Cat smooch and they went to the shrieking shack together (It was a Wednesday so I still wasn't a homophobe)

Then Robbie and Rex sang Hakuna Matata (i was going to ship them but i figured that was pretty obvious since that robbies hand is always up rex's tush lol fisting!)

Then a bunch of not talented ugly people did shit. Back and Andrew and Tori sang some song badly and got rotten fruits and veggies thro at dem. Then Tori got so mad she raped a chicken right there on stage! Then Peeta dragged her away becaue they are wathcing you

Finally it was eds and me turn. I was wearing a purple betsy johnson dress fishnet stoocking and black leather nee hi butts. i had on long fake eyelashes, burple eyeshadow, lots of eyeliner, and bright red lipstick, my long flowing sliver hair was whisped to one side. i had on a lot of chunky jewry that i got frum forever 51. ed was was wearing a nice black t and a shiny purple tie that match de my dreess black jeans and black converse.

We began to sing. he started off with the first verse. i was so neverous! I think i might be sick! ...or maybe it was the clams hermione gave me... the crowed was so big and everyone was watching me! I had to overcomp my fears fast! I tried imagining everyone in their underwaer but that distracting me because there were really hott people in the audiance like Stacey's moM! So thien I just looked into Ed's crisp golden eyes that were like bumblebees only with no black except for the pupils. Then I just closeted my eyes and go t lost in the music!

And together we sang at the end

"Brace yourself for love  
Sweet love, secret love

We'll write a song that turns out the lights  
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside  
Don't waste your time  
Speed up your breathing  
Just close your eyes  
We'll hope it's for nothing at all"

The crowed yelled and screamed and wolf whistled at the end. Then Ed kissed be passionatly! Tasty! Then I went back to my dressin room only to find a doezn lilyz in a vase with a note card attacjtced.

It read: _Love, Dad_.

Then there was a knock on the door! I jump as I turned around to find Severus Snape leaning on my door frame. I gapped!

"Daddy?" My ears were full of tears.

Snape Nobbed.

"Dad!" I shouted running up to him. Hugging him.

He began to speak in navals voice. "Oh Cristancia Winifred Kisama.. I've loked for you for so long my darlying daughter... I lvoe you Cristancia."

"Love you too Daddy." I sad anf the visane was over.

"And the winners are..." I hear Stacey announce on the stag. "ED AND CRISTANCEIA"

I stayed in my loving, sweet fathers arms.

**LOL OKAY GAYS THE SECRET IS OUT BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IS THE END FOR GOOD OLD CRIS HERE! HEATHER AND I HAVE A LOT OF PLANS FOR HER! OKAY SO REVIEW OR TORI WILL RAPE MORE CHICKENS.**


	6. TWIWIZARD!

**omg hey gays. Cris here! I need more fucking revows ok? n Cat, Jade and Rex are staying. AND OMG DUMBLEDORE NEEDS TO ANNOUNCE SOMETHING!111111111111**

We were all in da great hall eating and chating. The victorious gang was still there and Beck was slitting his rists cvause he saw Cat and Jade makiing woopie in the girls bathroom. N Moaning Myrtle was moaning more then she ver did mashing her potatoes. Tori was sent to jail cause of her chicken raping anf was Andrew for supplying the chickens. And Robbie ad rex were liek haveig puppet sex. Hot.

So Dumblydore walked up tot he thingy and yelled, "MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?" He screamed. We all quited down, and the only sound I hear d was Alphonse armor, lol.

And some sound like lips smacking against eachother, probably Jade and Cat.

"WE ARE HOSTING THE TWIWARD TURNOMENT DIS YEAR AND 2 OTTER SKOOLS ARE GONNA B HERE TO. I WOULD NAO LEIK TO INTRODUCE DA BEOBUTZ AND DUNGSTANK KIDS"

Furst the beobutz girls came in dancing like pussies. troy sed that some of them were smoking but not as much a s stacy's mum. Cris rawled her eyes because all those gurls seemed so PREP.

Den smoe poeple from Dungstank bretah fire adn had buttsex (But I'm not a homophobe on Wendsdays) Then we saw a vitor Crum. He had a bunch of crums from the cookies he was eating on his face. Hatty said that dey wen rto a quidditch game and were attacked by death eaters abut they sal him there!

"Oh and BTW onzly like 17 year olds can enter or something lol." Dumbledore said. We all swore and gave him the finger! Ed looked mad and he wanted to shove his metal finger up Dumble's ass. AND then the weasely bois were mad and had twinsex on the gryffindor table and knoked over all the creamed corn on to ronns lap and then cho chang sed he nwas cumming over hermione. but people were still made so they trew dinner rolls at dumble dore and at cho chang because she's a fooking cunt.

'OMFG STFU!" Albus yelled and we hushed because he told us too. "NAO 17 yr olds can put ur name in the gobble of flames. dats it. bai"

Troy said "Ima gonna enter b/c then people will like me and not my brother." I felt mad for troy because cedric was really hot and he wasn't really. i mean all he wore was basketball shirts. mabe if he was soaking wet in a white tee lifting it up to display his abbs ihe might b sexy but no not like this.

I werent mad about not being in the twihard tourniment. i was already famous because voldemort tried to keel me and i didnt die. and i was relly rich so i didnt need the money. and like yeah.

so like later dat night the gobble of flames was up and a lot of ppls were watching 17z put in dear names. i was watching tooooo. and then fred and gerofe came in with beards and put their names in but it didn't work and they started rolling around on the floor. and firt i thought they were fightn but then fred started moaning and gerof was grunting and they started humping. I didn't care because it was stil wednesday so i didnt care if they waas fucking and stuff. Then George yelt "NO WE NEED CONDOMS FREDDYPOO" so they ran off together in the sunset until we could see their silhouettes no more. everyone clapping because it was a happy ending. then troy and cedric and stacy and fluer and victor and someother but hteir names in. victor was making eyes at hermy. i was over her so i didnt care.

robbie and rex were just chilling and making out and i dont really know how that works with a puppet. ill have to try sometime.

then cris went back to her room and had sexy dreams aboout Ed. She but her phone in her you know what when it was set on vibrate and called herself until the battery died.

the next day dumble dore announced the twihard champions. at dinner. troy was sitting next to her eating meatloafs and sonny was licking a lolly pop and pretending it was a certain someone's something. i am getting her a dildo for xmas.

Albert Dumbledore DUMBLREdole called all the kids to the auditorium over the loudspeajer. we all sat down and people were throwing paper airplanes and butter flys and making out. lol everyone is so horny here. i luff it.

"ANNNNNNND the beouz champ. is ...XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX...FLUER DLELCOUR"

Everyone yelled and cheers because fleur is realllllly hot but not as hot as me.

"ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND THE BUTFCS CHAMPOION IS xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...VICTOR CUM!"

Everyone yelllled becasue he was soooooo sexy and baught xlarge c0ndoms.

"AND THE HOGWARTS CHAMPRION IS CEDRIC DIGGORYYYYY"!" eveyone yelt again because cedric diggory is a sex god.

BUT SUDDENLY TWO MAOR PAPERS CAME OUT OF THE GOBBLE!

"CRISTANCIA WINIFRED KISAMA AND HARRY POTTER?" Dumbledore whispered. "GO TO THE BACK WITH THE REST OF THE CHAMPIONZ."

Harry and I ran hand in hand in a friendly way. Troy was sobbing because he wasn't chosen. And Ed was running around and screaming in a fruckration because i might die.

When I got back in the back room there was a cunfusion. Snape was in a rage and was stomping and flames came out of his nostrils.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH" And then he kicked the gobble. Then snape huggleed me. He is a berry portect father. He looked over at harry and hissed like a cat.

"Well they have to compete. Their names were drawn" a large man sed. there was a lot of arguing and dumblrdore paced in his ripped ambercrombie jeans.

**oh my oh my goooooood! OMG DUN DUN DUUUUN!111 LIKE WHO KNOWS WHAT CAN HAPPEN NOW! BAI **


	7. Sex and dragons

**oh hey guys Cris here! okay s Cris and Harry are in The TWT! LIKE OMGZ U CANT WAITTTT! Yeah they r gonna take on the 3rd challgenes are stuff.**

Cristancia was spendign da day with her Dad Snape. They were brewing potions and Edward was all upset he didn't want me to die n stuff. I wondered who put me in da cup.

Okay so we al went out later to hogsmede to go buy joke stuff and candies. I got candies that made you have a ballsack for an hour, but I knew the person who really eanted it was Edward. He wanted to has two Ballsacks at once.

Ed and I were walking around holding hands and everywhere we went people stopped and looked. Some peoplle were happy that we were together **B**ut most looked jealous because they weren't happy like us. Anyways we went to the ice cream shopp **and **we bought it to go.

"I luff u babe."Edward said raping his mertal arm arond my waist.

"I Luve you too." I said. Edward and I never had $ex before but I think today was the day. Ed got a room at the leaky condom and we were going there now. I wasn't nervous because I new dat I wuz his fist so yeah.

We walked up to our room and I opened the foor. Cris sow somethong terrible. Robbie was lying on the bedd width his pants down and his hairy area wus all bloody and he had no dick!1!one!1! Then Rex who wuz sitting and then the the end off the bed turniped arund and he had Robbies cock in his mouth! Tobbie was ded and Rex was comfused. Wen we asked him wat happened he took the penis out and said.

"Robby sed harder..." then he walked away. We cout a new room and got in the mooooood.

We walked into da rom and liek there was moar peps theew. "O cum on!" Ed said sadly and angry. we walked in on Moaning Myrt;e and someone else who looked liek a ghos.

"B-beck?" I gasoed. Ed was like "Bitch you cheat on me?"

"No hoerny" I said, "He waz a friend of mine and Jade's ex bf before she started lieking carpets." I explained.

Beck was busy fucking the living shit outta Mrytle even though she was dead. lawl/

So we left the room. I looked down sadly I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX. I TOHUGHT. So then we went to the next room.

We walked in to da room. We were about to strip cause we were in da mood but den we saw something in the bed. We ripped off the covers in anger and revealed Draco Malfoy fucking Ginny weasl. I feelt bad it was her first time. And me and Ed were like lol this can be or porn. So we watched them.

I felt vary horny and I wanted to tackle ed and suck him and melt his popsicle. But i didnt. Then Giinny went to da brroom adn i did too i had to go.

I took a mighty piss and flushed da golden plated toilet. It played classical music as I flsuhed. Gunny went next and she was crying about her vag hurting.

And then it happend. A few drops of blood... then more and more and more. Then her vagina fell off.

"OMG?" I SCARMED "HOLY FOOK WUT THE FUOK!111111111111'""

I gasped I feklt like I was gonna puke everywhere. Her rectum and bladder were falling out too. I quickly headed out of the Bathroom and got Edward and Drake to get some scotch tape and elmers glue. No one wanted to touch her vag, but draco when we got in the bathroom. Ginny was sobing. I felt so bad. Omg so much was happening, Beck was nao a ghost cause Cat and Jade were together, ginny lost her vagina, and we were all outta of tape.

We taped her vagina back on and glued her clit back on. It was all good.

We where about to leave but Ginny had her period and all our hard work flsuhed down da toliet. Her junk fell off again. This time I ran out to Diagon alley and got some wizard gorilla glue.

I glued it bak on and it was all better... for now.

So we left da room and went o nother one. And tehre were two beds. One was taken, we didnt mind. BUTG THEN we saw it was DUMBLEDORE THE HEADMASTER AND HEADMISTERESS MGCNABLE. Edwards erection died seeing old person sex, and so went my mood. So we left. And walke into the next one.

There were two beds but that didnt matter cazuse there were two girls in it. It was thursday, but I didn't care, cause then and there I decided I was a bisexual person.

Those girls where Cat and Jade but I rly didnt' care much.

ME and Edward started stripping. He ripped off my leather bra and leather thong. I cut off his boxers and revealed his 10 icnj dick. it looked rly juicy. I felt wet and I tohught i peeded my self but i didnt cause it was jsut getting lubricated. So he put his thingu in my you know what but pulled out fat..

"What is it Eddykinz?" I asked. HE replid back with, "Do you wanna have a baby" He asked

I then said, "When im older." So he put on a condom and we got back o our stuff and he thruated and climzxaed in the condom. But i licked it clean anyway.

Late at night.

ME and Edward were back at Hogwarts and the whle gang was with us. We were all eating. I was wearing a super skinny blak genes frum limted and a red tutu from hot topic, it turned edwart on. I wore a grey tanktop that had slits dow da back inside that were splattered with red paint. Edward was wearing his red coat and a black pants and shirt that was like leathery. Hot.

Alphonse was in his armor, hermione wore her gay ass nerd clothes and robes. sod id ron and Harry. bur Harry looked stylish. Jade was in a black corest and black skinnyjeans and had TONS of makeup on. Cat had a dress on that was rainboe cause she was gay and had a fushia jacket on too. rex sat there by himself at the syltrin table cause he was a dusehbag for eating raobbie's duck. Sonny sat with me and everyone else at my table. Today I had red long hair and red dog ears.

Then we all finished dinner and went to our rooms. I took Pegasus and flew to my room, i then clicked the red button the elevator. I was int he Gruffndor coommon rom. I grabbed Ed and went to my room and we slept togethar.

But HAarry Potter got in me room last night and wook me up.

"Me and Ron are fighitng but he said we have to see something." He said, and took me. We wnet ot the woods and talked to Hargrid.

"OH I HA TO SHOW YER SOMETHING ARRY AND CRISTACNIA." He boomed! And he took the founding mother of Beaxutons or sometihng and her name ws madam maxime and she was biggg.

Hargrid and her had liek giant sex but watever. We then appraocejd something awesome. I had Bubo on his leash and he poked it with his trunk. They were Dragons!

Hargrid said "Thats in thw Green Welsh." he pointed to a green dragon anf "Thats's a snokrel nort snoutg." And pointed to on the looked like a pug. "Thats'a a chinese fireball." And ponite to a dragon lacking leggs and wih wings and breathed fire n was red. "Hungarian Horntgail/" He said pointed to a big mean red one.

He then gave a drumroll and pointed to the last one, "Only the greated human can tame it." he said. " That is the Canadian Razormouth." It was a rainbow, fresh, dragon and it was betufiul.

**okay chapter donw!1 that was cool riht? Well u ntil next time ^_^  
**


	8. Dragon battle of da bands

**like hai guys sory for da dley. I just started high schoolz so ive been tooz busy to update. but im liek the most coolest spunkiest cutesty gurlll in school/ So yeah heather tank u for da spellingcheckjs nandf. SO IN DIS CHAPTA CRISTANDCIA WITH BE FACING A DRAGON GASPPPP 0h i dont own da lyrics to da song or harry rotter  
**

Cristancia winifred kisma woke up on a saturday morning she had no klasses. She put on herr black corest with blood red lace on da back. I ten threw on a black and hot pink fluggy skirt and some big balck combat boots. I made my hair black and put some blue and red streaks in it taht merged into purple tips at the end. I walked out of the Crisandor common room an into da elevator. I pressed da red button and went down. da doors opened and I walked in to the room. I tohught I was in da griffindor cummon room but it was all black and brick like and green and silver.

"THIS ISNT GRIFFIN DOR ITS SYLIRIN!1111" SHE SAID IN RAGE THAT MADE SATAN PISS HIMSSELF!222266611111

The blond boy walked outta da boys room. "hey i say."

"Hi" ge said with a birt accent that sounded sexeh but i was dating edward so taht would be wrong you fucking pervenerted sicko!

he loked at me and tilited his head all cutely like a stupid dog but it was cute. Bubo poked his head outta mah purple coachbag and was makign some sounds.

"U r Cristancia Winifred Kisama right?" He asked. I nodded, I remebr him when he was fucking Ginny lawl. He saw my face and said "Me and Jenny broke up, but she went to st mango and her vag is all better."

I nodded, "Thats good, well I must be going Im going to hogsmede for a band meeeting." he nodded surprised I had my own band and I was the leaer cause im so cool.

o k00l i play bass dracoy said.

"omg! wull u play 4 my band!1! Rubbie was te basser but he got his cock eaten off."

"I heard. His death was sorrowsssssss and woes." Draco sed passionatly.

"Su u'll do it!" Chris asked?

"YUS!"

I granted him with a big wet sloppy kiss. Ten we frenched for a while. Then the sytherin leader walked in and put a c0nd0m on draco and left b/c he kared. But I didnt want to baby make with big D so i left. his thingie was quite impressive tho. i dunno if it would fit inmy hole. no wonder why jennys vagina fell off. i fink eds is bigger tho

* * *

L8r dat day i was at the band meetin. i braught dracy along with me.

"Nao let meh introduce u to the band" I sed

"Dis," I wrapped my legs around ed and grouped tis ass. "Is Ed. Gutair."

I walked ova to fred and groege (the conjoined twins dat sumtimes fook) "these are fred and george. they r un drumsz" they were making out and not paying attention to me so i gave them water torchure and i told them they'd sleep in the dog house 2night and get whipped. i am a fearsome leafer.

"I and te lead singer and Hermy and gunny r my back up b/c they suck but look ok in skimpy outfits in the back"

"And **I**, Lunna Lovegood are the badn MANAGER. BITCHES BEST RESPECET." Loony sed. I made her go away but i shaved her head first.

"Erryone dis is DRACO MOTHER FUCKING MALFOT. He will be replacing rubby as abasser."

"hai guise." dracy sed meekly.

Jenny and Dracy's eyes locked over a nuded gred and forge. It wuz awkwad. they no thei kan neva b 2gether and they were leik rose and jack only not on abot.

then ed tranmutteD alphonse into a dumset becasue fred and george broke it because they banged on it and leik they bangbanged on it. yup. poor al. fred and geroge dudnt realize it wuz a differnt drum set so they kept on duning it.

I walked Draco over to 4 moar pepes, "k dis is Harry Rotter." i said pitng to the balck haired boy with da scar."He plays da flutet." and I ponted to the red head, "Tats rondald weaslepants, he plays da tuba cause is fatass." I said poitnign to hsi ugly dimply flabby scaly skin. Draco vomited on harry and harry used his wand to clean it off.

"And those two pepel frecnhing oare jade and cat and they are sexy togteher and i thi nk they good singers cause i saw them perfore give it up you cant win not chance i wanna fuck ed. FUCK ITS WENDSDAY SO GO FUCK EAHCOTHER!" I yeilded. I realzied i said dis all out loud in front of draco and his cock was rubbing against his tight rubber pants. Luna went over to him cause she is manager and said, "I am manager therefore i must taje care of draco malfoy's 10 inch cock." She said sucking it.

I was jelosu of luna cause i was rly horny cant tell ed. Sonny was da person who performed lights and stuff. We had a concert tonite cause in cleebrate of the goblet of fire's first challenge! of cousre i was in it so was harry so we did it beofre said event.

* * *

Soon at da tournament it was dark out and a platform wit are stage came up and i looked at all da people watching us. I wasnt afraid of them, i wasnt like hermioen who fainted on stage lolz shes okay do.

"NOW I SHAL SHOW YOU DA COLLEOSET BAND EVAR!11111111111" Dumbdork roared like a lion. "DIS IS SEXYCRIS N DA RAZOR BLADEZ!111111111111"

"Ok im going to be preforming da chronicles of life and death!111" i said happily into da microphono.

"You come n cold you covered in bloooood." I sang beauoutifully. George and Fred drummed on alphonse while secretly fooking him too. Hary pladed amazingly on his flute, and SOnny was making the stage black and red and purple and black and cool. Draco strumed da bass. ron played on da tuba poorly so we had cat and jade sing with me so no one could hear him. Luna watched in da disatance with my daddt snape. Hermie and giiny danced around and fell on esachother... fuckrs.

"They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord  
He hands you to your mom  
She sets you

free into this life  
And where do you go?  
With no destination, no map to guide you  
Wouldn't you know  
That it doesn't matter, we all end up the same

These are the chronicles of life and death  
And everything between  
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem  
You come in this world  
And you go out just the same  
Today could be the best day of your life

And money talks, in this world, that's what idiots will say  
But you'll find out, that this world  
Is just an idiot's parade  
Before you go  
You've got some questions, and you want answers  
But now you're old, cold, covered in blood  
Right back to where you started from

These are the chronicles of life and death  
And everything between  
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem  
You come in this world  
And you go out just the same  
Today could be the worst day of your life

But these are the chronicles of life and death  
And everything between  
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem  
You come in this world  
And you go out just the same  
Today could be the best day of  
Today could be the worst day of  
Today could be the last day of  
Your life  
It's your life  
Your life" I finished abd bowed eveeyone except for taylor tyhat stupid preppy bitch with hr preppy gang bangers calpped.

* * *

Victor cum was first to go. Me harry, cedric and fluewr da werido watched as he left. He got da chinese fireball. fluew got some welksh drago. cedric got some snout thingy. harry and ron were fighting and den harry got da horntail and i go the CANADIAN RAZORMAOUHTH!11

Anway everyone went got der eggs. Harry was cool he got his brrom and yeah was my time nwo.

I stepped out and saw tha raindbow dragon sleeping. I took 1 step and BOOMK it woke up. it roared and charged at me. I clapped my ahnds toegteh and used alcehmy making da ground rise and attackk the dragon. I jumped on one of the rods headomgf foro da golden egg. Given I was vampire i turned into abat and flew by da dragon un noticed and it noticed me and attacked so i turned back! I summoned by sword which was erect with power and slashed the dragons eyes.

"INFERNO!" I shouted conjuring fire lal around it. MY EYES WENT RED WITH ANGER!1111 I used by jutsu to preform rasregein that Jiraya taught me and put it in its face lol. I jumped up and grabbed the golden egg a nd a normal egg. I WON!

"CRISTANCIA WINIFRED KISAMA CAM IN 1st PLACE CAUSE SHE IS SO FUCKING COOL!""" BARTY COCK SHOUTED!

Ed ran up to me and kissed me and we made out sexiuly.

**k dats uit sorry for da dely lolz. net time yule ball and second task!**


	9. aids, rape, and eggs

**lol hai guise so now its time for da yule balllll!1111 oh n tanks to hather for da help i hope u get better u iz in da hospital cause your finger got stuck in u vagina from fingering u self too much. oh and fangz for da review i would fuck u too and have ur kids  
**

Dear dairy,

Professor Albus **Dumbledore** made an announce ment lunch in in the caf. today. **he **said "K GUISE DER IS GUING TO B TA YULE BALL DIS XMAS IN DA GREAT HALL. **IT IS** A TRADITION AT PIGFARTS **AND **U HAV TO GU WITH SUM1 OR ELSE ITD BE SOCIAL SUICIDE. LOL. AND WE R HVIN ULE BALLZ KIND AND QUEEN. I LEIK BALLS B/C I AM A GAYTARD. LOL"** H**e sed and ten he went two play sum yhatzee wiff hagrid to satisfy his sick needz bcuz he is gay and no 1 luffs him not even me becuz it is turdsday.

**i **wuz sitting alone at meh table eating tasting pudding dat wuz made out of dooby cum. it wux su tasty i man dooby cum in my mouf. lol. anyways after dat announce ment all dease bois came to meh table and were starteing at me. lol some um dem were sexi bitches but i dunt like all dem sexi bois vanting to fuck me su hard wiff their eyes so i ran way crying to a c0rn3r. i mean cum on pimpin aint easy.

i waz crying blood in stained sum tapastries but i was sad and didnoy cafre so i used magic 2 make dem clean again. i felts a hand on meh shoulder i dramaztically st00d up and turn3d i wuz gettin up i noticed a b0n3r in teh pants of the lady infr0nt of meh. it wus draco malsexyfuck/ i has such a lad3y b0n3r 4 h1m. he sad to me hey cris in a sexy boive dat made be want to stick meh tounge down my throught.

cris i want two go too go to da yule ball wif you bcause i feal for you gurl. i tink we had i rly gud connextion andu give me bonder dat last 4 hours.,n i am relky kinky fur yoyu. i just want 2 piss on ur titz" draco sed

ten he tried to make out wif me in da great hall and i wuld havce because my lady boner for draco malfoy rages on but my daddy and ed was ewatching me so i slapped him and ten stuck my tounge in his ear.

no dracy. i will no. go piss in jennys vagina pls n thxs

omfg and on teh way back to the crissin for coujmmon room all day and un classes n shit all des bois and gurls asked ne to the yule all . and i was all leki lol nno y u su uglyy. lol lol even hermione grange r asked me to the ball . i was. like lolhowaboutno. lawl that 1 time on teh hogwarts express was ust because i could n t find my handy dandy dildo .

den in gym class troy blowjob wlaked up too me. "hey cris" he luked up at be in a qt way dat reminded me of a dying puppy or a drowning goldfish.

" ohai truy" ised " su i just got bck from rehab" troy sed. "u wear in rehand" i questioned questionlying.

"yyus i cut mehself bu yt nao i ma all betta and i got betta bcaise i luv u criss. cris i lov eyou so much i just want ot have bbs with you all da time and grwo old and have sex n make cupcake s to shove up ur vag and use ur perod blood as icing."

"whiel tat sounds kinky id wather gave a mechainal hand up my vag instead so fook up/" i dai flipping him off. I ran to meg room crying.

"WHY AM I SO BEOOTYFUL I JUST WANNA GO WIF EDDWARDO!1111"?dafkdoak I SCREAMED IN HORROR MY EYES GOING BLOOD RED AND ONE EYE GOING BLUE FOR DA DEPREZZING LIFE OF DSADNESS THAT SAGS ON ME!1111

* * *

L8er on i was in dmeh cummon room all loe so sad to be alone lulz. i pulled out my iphone and texted meh bf edo-kiun. (**im learning japanese btw ) **

hey hunny wat up?

nuthing much babet.

kool i 3 u

3 u 2

I put meh phone away and ed came up and we fucked a bit lawl. he put his thingy in my you know whay.

Anywho we went to da hall of teh greatness.

"HEY EVERYONE!" I announced wearing my most sexy clothes evar. "IM GOING RO THE YULE BAL WITH EDOWARDOKUN OKAY SO FUCK OFF!" I said gibning da bird. so den i walked away with my ass hanging out (**im noyt a whore btw**)

So edo and snogged in da brorgroom and wirth moaninf mrytle qho was ghost fucking Beck. Hot.

later we was eating dinner. I ate a tuna fish sandwich. edo wanted to put tuna in me and eat me out but i was like "No hoeny, if i keep too much in i will get maggots in my vag." (**TRUE STORY HAPPNEE TO MEH FRIEND PENNYY!1111one111!2)**

**catscatscatscatscats i am a cat lol**

**SORRY HEATHER TAT WHORE DID DAT SHE IS BACK AND HER VAGINA IS FINE1`111111**

so now we all fine. i was going around 4 no reason. me and harry were walking togetehr cuz we could.

"lol so u know what do do with rgg?" he asked

"no... but imma take a bath." i said, walking to da perfect bathroom

"LEMONPOWDER!" I saud da password. i walked into da room and it was so cool, i made the water red cuz im a vampitre.

I jumped into da bathtub whihc was HUGE11111 an bubo and nemo also did. so did eragon my dragon lol. we bathed and i tok out meg gold egg and shoved it under water and put my face under water and opend it.

"i sing u a song abut mermarids, i will take u beloved and gobble them up."

I GASPED. NOT MY EDDYKINZ. so dat was the second task11!one!11two222!2121

Den monaing myrtle wasnt fooking beck so she took a brush and washed meh back 4 me. and i bunch of mermaids fucked me too.

den i got out n put on my true blood twoel on.

so now i was preping (no being a prep k) 4 da yule ball. and then suddenly DRACO FUCKING MALFOY walked in.

"hi cristancia" he said.

"hiii draco." i siad flirtyly.

"so i was wondering."

"wondering wat?"

"!"

"wat?" i ddint understand

"would u liek to go to the ball with me and i could fuck you so hard and we would be very happy!"

"Ooooo... im with ed sorry go with ginny."

"NO I WANT U!11" HE SHOUTED AND HIS COCK BUSTED OUT AND HE TACKLED ME!

"AKKJJJJJJJJKKHHHHH HELLPOOOOOOO!" I CAraqdademed!

he laugehd evilly and raped me whike i screamed. den a door opend.

"WHAT DA HELL ARE YOU DOING U MOTHERUCKER!" IT was... EDWARD!111

"EDDYKINZ HELP ME!"  
He used alchemy and tore draco off meh and then i took draco's cocka and threw it out the window with red eyes which became blue and i started to cry in eds arms.

"BOOOHOOOOOOBOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!" I CRIEDDDDD.

"shhhhshhhhhhhhhhhh"

den i was okay cux we murdered that sick fuck.

* * *

The next day, i as out in the forest and the... VFOLDEMORT SHOWDUP!

"hey, i know i rtried to kill u but can u do me a favor?"

"sure." i said.

"Try wizarding aids, dumblrdore gave me them."

So cristancia went to snapes lab!

"HI DAD!" She said, hugging him and then started making a cure.

after several attempts and utrning into a cat 5 times she made the cure!

"okay! i said and left da room.

"Here." I gave it to voldemeort but he drank it and it didnt work!"

"Hmmm... i know!' i said, taking out two tampons and pouring da liquid on it.

"Der tak dis magical tampon and shove it up ur anus." I told em.

"k" and he did so, it was rather hot lol.

"IM CURED LOL ANGZ!" he said, flying away.

**k so next chapter yule ball so yeah. lol bai**


	10. baby from hell and dancing forever lol

**k time 4 da yule ball and begin of 2nd task!1111**

su it was saturaday and i went shopooping wif mah gurl **her**mione 4 da ule bawl cumming up s00n

i went 2 betsyt johnson but all da dreses wear so preppy and pink and so i puked black and red and goffic colors on dem so dey wenrt ugly no moar. lol. i tried ion a bunch byut coulfdn chose cuz dey all looked su gud on me.

i wuz creying in da changin room n hermen came in wit a milkshake

y r u creyin crus? hermin sed luukin sad at my misfortune

i whaled "oh hermin! u no understanfd my issues! ii am siu pretty and all dese dreses lolk fab on me! i kants chose n lyfe is so hat! dis is da sadist ive ever been!"

o. hermine says

den hermione who wyz berry talente d witf magix pulled her wand out of her handy dandy didldo and used faeries to combine all da dreses that i lolked fabuloys in.

OMG HERMIN. UR MAGIC SAVVED MY LYFE!

I put on da silky black dress dat wuz sumtines red n berry smezy i luked guuuuuuuuuuuud

den hermin baught da only dress dat she didnt udse 2 make mine n it was vegtable clouresd wit frilsZ n stuff.

hermione had 2 go hume to wuter her plantes

suddenly i got a magic phone call from my crisberry (dats my cell fone dat my bff da doctor invented after me)it was a txt from vodldemort

Voldemort: hey gurl can u come ova here cuz i ned 2 talk 2 u

Me: k boi

I whipped my firebork out of meh vagina cuz i was wearin a skirt n i flew to voldemorts house. it was bery big and luxurious and it was all green n silver and it was sexy and i humped da collum. i walked inside and i took off my shoews and a house eldf ate dem for me because voldemort didnt want for deatrh eaters to track mud into his house. or poo. voldemorty doesn t like poo being in his house because nangina was not hungry no more so he woud no t lick it up no more. anyway i went into vodemorts kitchen were mudblod ladies werer makin sandwiche s out of dead ladies n it was like a sweat shop n all da women were creying and i laughed because it ewas tuesday and i hate mudbloods on tuesdays.

voldemort was sittin in the dining room in a big green silky chair at da head of a long wooden table that woold be very good to fuck on. very sturdy and smoth and such. but it was weird because vodlemort was holdin a white fluffy kitty on his lap. voldemort sneezed and peepee came out of his nostrils. dem da kitty licked da peepee off. i loled.

"lol no offense voldemort but wat is with all the cats in your house?" i noticed so many cats all over the room. there were cats in a box, cats that look like a fox, cats wears in a hat and on da ceiling and everywhere. so many cats. wat r cats?

"Well crristancia, I has seven cats. they r all my horcruxs. let me introduce you to them." HORCRIXS? KOOL!

"Dis one" voldy said holdin up da white one on his lap "is fluffy. and these are sleezy, deezy, snorty, cocane, and maurice."

"how qt!" i squeeled cuddling all da kittys."y did you call me?"

Voldy sighed "Cristancia, let me tell dis to u frank." I herd GC playing in the background. I nodded my head "I. Am. Youre. !

YOUR GRANDFATHER CRSITANCIA!"

"OH EM EFF GEE" Cristancia yelled!

Vooldemort nodded his head nonchalantly. "Yes, chris. you are my granddaughter. Ur father did not want me to tell you this becus he thought it would endanger you. But now i ned your help and you need to know who u truley r."

"OMG OMG OMGOMG OMGOMGOMG. BUT OKAY VOLDEMORT." Cris said.

"Please, Cris. Call me Auntie Voldy now. We r familia." Auntie Voldie said.

"Like the cheetah sista?" Cris asked.

Voldemort chortled "lol yes crus. Like the cheetah sisters" den Auntie got rly sirius. "Now we must get down to business. There is an evil man running hogwatsa"

"GALLEE AUNTIE, WHO?" Cris gapped.

"My ex lovah, Albus Percivel Wolfric Dumbledore! The man who gave me wizard AIDS!"

Christancia was shocked! "He must keep xtra aids warty dicks in his beard!"

"Yes. Yess he does. At first, I found it exotic. Intriguing. It made lovin' very special. But once dumbledore and i got serious and used a mudblood to have a segerete bb, dumbledore ate it. And our relationship was never the same after that." Auntie looked at me very sernly. "Eating babies changes people, Christancia. But i fear that dumbledore has reguritated the baby and used the power of the magic aids that he created to speed up the aging process of the baby. it must be about your age by now, cristancia. that child is your mortal enemy. it is just as evil as dumbledore is. you must take them now. but not now. i has a plan. and i need you to trust me. i need u to be on my side."

"k." I sed. I was very serious about this. dumblydore the evil gaygaygay needed to die. "am i gonna be a dead eater? cuz i am berry hunry"

den dobby the house elf gave me a tastly lookin sammie made in da kitchen.

"yes. u can get da tatto if u want" vodlemort said

"OMG YES THEY R SO KOOL I WANT IT ON MY LOWER BACK LOL" i said

"then it shall be done." i thought itd be soooooooooo sexy to have a dark mark as a tramp stamp! I am gonna put a hert around it wiff eddys name on it.

Voldemort stood up. He was wearing an armani suit and blue suade shoes. He also had chains around his belt and green bandana around his bald head. He looked rly cool. cristancia was glad that her grandfather was so hip n kool.

"LUV YA AUTIE!" Cris said hugging VOldemort around the middle.

"k gurl. ill text u with the deets bout killin that bitchsquealer dumbleforeplay and dat kid."

* * *

Cristancia was in her crisindor coommnon room in her undies since she was the only one there and she was gettin ready fo rhte yule ball since it was tonight and i look sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sexy i hope no body raped me again because they wanted me so much. iwas so pretty it was ridickulus. my eyes were golden and ranebow and pretty and werre pools of glittery bootyful wastelands. Cristancia but on her sexy dress and sexy pumps and did he hair ina sexy half up half down thingy.

anyways i went down to the great hall and ppls necks snapped from whiplash and died form lookin at me all the time lol. on the way i castrated cho chang because she is really a cross dressing cunt. cause it was tuesday and i hated cross dresers on tuesdays.

i walked hand in ahdn with edward. we were so sexy everyone got a boner even deh gurls. den harreh was befind meh with some indian chic and hermies was der with vikroe cum. We all got in a limo and rode to olive garden becuz of da sugestice lighing so everyone was fuking on da tables and getting covered and salad dressing.

"its friday friday gotta get down o frisuasyda! fun fun dun part party aprt yeah!" we sang while drinking beer and catrating puppies of der balls and dicks."

WE GOT TO THE OLIVE GARDEN AND EVERYBODY WAS DANCING AND THEN I WANTED TO EAT SO I MADE DES GUYS STOP SCREWIN ON DA TABLE SO I CUD EAT AND WHEN DEY GOT UP I ATE A SALAD BUT DER WAS FIVE LARGE ADULTS AND DA SALAD TAKSTED LIKE CUM LOL!11111

den me and ed slow danced sexily and then it happened.

"OH ED U AR FALL OFF ON ME!" I CRIED AS A METAL ARM FEEL ON ME AND PEELED AN ORANGE!11 den suddenly dis girl appaered with blond hair and blue eyes and was like "Hey ed i her to repair ur arm and im sorry i was bitch to you last time but i had a super bif period that made me shit out blood n stuff." she toldz eddykinz. SO SHE FIXED EDS ARM )SORRY CAPS)

but den she was like "oh ed dance with meg a fn kicked me away anf i was like woooo!"

So now i was pushed into da bathroom and cried in my pet dragons arms (it hatched form an egg)

**GASP WHAT GONNA HAPPEN ARE ED AND CRIS DUN FOR GOODZ? AND WAHT ABOTU DIS CHILD OF DUMBLEDOREEE?**


	11. da past of cris n stuff

**okay so last time on The Life of Cristancia... The yule ball take place in OLVE GARDEN! EDWARD AND CRISTANCIA DANCED A LOT LOL so bascially voldy is cristancia's gma and dumble is really evil! anway dis chapter takes place in da past.**

12 years ago or sometihng in a brick condo in brooklyn lived dumbledor and voldemort they were having kinky buttsex when the doorbell rung.

"Ehehehem whom it be?" Dumbeldore asked curiously, stroking his dick.

"yo child." Said a voice. voldy chuckled and opened the door to reveal a girl who was in her 30s or somrthing with poop brown hair. she had prety purple eyes and walked over to them giving them gifts a man with a cloak on and greasy hair and a hooked nose walked in holding a ggurl with poopy brown hair too with beatufigl **green **eyes cuz she was happy.

"Happhe aniversary." They all said to the old grandpas who all ate cake. Cristancia walked over to dumbledore, "hi granpa youz have a white bear and its long lol." cris said happiler.

the old man chuckled like a horse, "nehehe plz callz me uncle dumbles and call him aunty voldy." He said as he stroked his beard which contained millions of dicks. Then they left.

Voldy walked over to dumbleroar in kinky leather pants, wearing nipple clamps and a big vibratering gag in his mouth and his head had a baby koala on it. dumbledore chuckled seductivly and pulled a metal pole out of his rpped holleaster jeans and shoved it into voldy's ass.** they moaned **hwatly and dumbledore's beard grew into millions of dicks that all fucked voldy everhwrre.

"dumbles... im preggo." voldy siad he used magic to give birth to the baby right there. they had to go to saint mangos then.

the nurse led voly into a chair and put the baby on his lap and it sucked out blood from his nipple cuz he was a vampire. Crisrancia and snape and her mom Emseral walked in with flowers. den they elft and dumbledore looked verys trange. he walked over to the voldemort and grabbed the baby and started eating it, his beard dicks turned into magical mouths with millions of teeth and ate teh baby.

Voldy gasped and cried and dumbledore turned into a pheonix and shouted, "ITS MY LIFE!" and flew away. Voldemort became very dark dn evil from the nargle that possesd his sadness and he tried to kill people!

* * *

voldemort travedl into the past with his time machine and tried to kill harry and his parents and couldnt kill harry but he want back to his time and went over to cristancia and ahve her a scar. cirs survived.

Snape grew afraid and joined voldemort but then left for dumbledore thinking he was good but neither was! and he worked as a teacher.

"Dearest Emseral... it is not safe for us to stay togerther." snape said 's mom gasped sadly and cried.

"I must go i am sorry but voldemort almost killd us and i must stoop him and fall into love with Lily potter's dead body." He confessed and left. Cristacnai forgot about him.

then some big black guy came in, he was our new pimp as my mouther said. he slapped me and i cried so we killed him.

* * *

Cris was now much older she was like 10 or something and had a pet elephant that died.

"water 35 liters, carbon 20 kilograms balahahahaha." he said and then critsancia clapped her hands together and her body was ripped apart.

she woke up next to a big fat door.

"where am i?' she asked

a white figure was there, "lol hey der, i am called by many names i am the world i am the univerese i am god i am all i am one and i am also you." it said and pointed at her. cristancia gasped.

"you have dared to knock on the door and now the door has opened!" it said again.

"noooooo!" I shouted.

"I will show yu teh truth!"

but den i said!, "No! I already know the truth it may be my first time doing human transmuations but because you are actually me!" i shooted revealign everything about alchemy and only losing my hair and it being silver and it worked i reveied my bubo!

* * *

two year later i waslike 12 and i was battling with Inuyasha my hald brother with my sword whichw as erected with power. I easily beat him because i was much ebtter. I growled at hm because i didnt lik rmy stepdad even though jhe agev me di sword. he left a few days later tho to find a jwewl of demons or something. Mom got divorced again. I trained with Jiraya and Naurto for awhile and then i left to go home and praticed my magic with bubo.

* * *

Now i am 14 and i go to hogwarts *que first chapter lol*

**so how was it? a look into cris's past? lol ^_^**


	12. new love time of our lives of awesome

**lol hey im back with heather and now we are going to cme back and winry is here o no!**

I cried inro Eragon's arms and i sobbed and stuff. Winry and Ed danced and they looked happy. I took out my knife and i SLIT MY WRSITSS!1A1322A12a

I cried so much, tears filled da batroom and i cried so much i almost drowned. moaning mitle came in and said, "hey gurl is somthin wrong? u sem rly sad?" she said trying to be nice. But I saw throut it.

"WHORE ASS FUCK BUTT!" I sooted in anst. the ghosty gurl flow away. I ran outta da bathroom all humply. I ran all overr da place, punching cho in the face and slaping cedick for taking that fucking whore to da ball. I walked over to harry and his indian chik and pucnhed them too.

I was so fucking mad. I was so fucking tumors.

I stomped over to Edward who was dancing with winry cockfuckingbell i ahte that butch so much n then i left cause i was sooooo sadso i look at him s o madly and i glared at him a glare of death but he didnt die so i cried some more

i just needed to get away from it all. my life was so hard. i didnt know why. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS WIZARD GOD!11/!/!1!"

"IDK" wizard god replied

i packed my stud and ran away from hogwarts. i couldnt be thar nao. i just culdnt i would neva return wiff a broken heart CRISS'S HEART WOULD NOT GO ON with out a love in her lyfe as gr8 as edward elrixzz. this was by farr the worst thing that has happened in her lyfe forever and ever!

cristancia picked up her magic guitar that was once a broom until she transfigured it into a magic flyign guitar and mounted it and fly out of the window to hogsmaede. she burst into the winfow of da five broomsticx where she was greeted by many pats on the back and french kisses and offers to lick her booobis. I sat down at a table by the corner and sucked on a pickle to try to make me feel better cause sucked on hard things was wat she really felt comfortable with.

\She then had twelve bottles of butterbear and a whole beer bottle of firewhisky in a keg and everyone cheered as she sat in the corner doin it. shes not get drunk tho cause i have a rock cast iron stomach of awesome. then cause i was famous in the qizarding word the bar owner asked me to sing a song from the axchious and locing crowed. "okay i said" a leasy it would be a distrACION

i am very passionate about music . i release d my first studio album when i was ten but i havbemt done much sinc3 cause i got too popular and da pressured was too much for a younging. but i am planning on going on a world tour one day soon caus e i still have a strong fanbase.

i wrote a song on a peices of napkin and i related to my situation so muych and it was sooo deep and and i thought that id be a good one. everyone in thar cheered as i got on a huuuge stage that had christancia writen in lights blinking.

AN THIS IS NOT MY SONG I DID NOT WRITE THIS SONG ITS NOT MINE IT BELONGS TO THAT PREP TAYLOR SWIFT WHO SINGS ANS WRITES NICES THINGS ISNT SHE HAWT AND PRETTY OMFG LUV HERRRR.

"EDWARD ELRIC IS THE REASON FOR THE TEAR DROPS ON MY GUITAR"

LALALALALALAL *SINGS SONG*

Halfway throught he song i noticed a green haired boi who was soooo hawt staring at me and he claped a lot when the song ended and i thought he was a big fan and i dont like attention so i ran back to the dressing room and hid from my fans and flowers.

then there was a nock nockon the door and the berry attractince boy with green hair was in the doorway leaning on the frame.

"hey" he whispered. " i noticed that song was a great depression and whoegger that fuckng ed guy is he is a stoopid prick and any guy whould be lucky to have a gurl like you. that voice of urs gave me a huge bonger and you are so kool let me get you something to drink.

i knodded and walk over with him, hodng hands with diz hunkolisioucs masterpeice of a man.

"Who ARE you?" i ewxcliamed in a loud sexy voice whippin mah hare back and forth.

"I'm a friend." he said winking and stroking his leather jacket that looked sooooooo hot and smexy on him. omfg he was almost as fucking hot as that major fucking sexy awesome cute hotie mike way!

I ACTED NOT PHASED BY HIS BEAUTY THAT ALMOST MATCHED MINE. "WHO says I WANT you as a friend, HUH?"

"I never said I was YOUR friend QT!" he winked at cristancia "kidding babe my name is N from pokemon black!"

"OMFG I LOVE THAT GAME I prepordered it years ago! lets be bffs!"

**AN: I REALLY DO LOVE N AS A CHARACTER HE IS SO COMPLEX AND DEEP AND I JUST WANT TO FUCK HIM AND I LOVE THAT GAME OMG OKAY BACK TO THE STORY YU LOVEEE SO DEARLY**

* * *

N and I talked ALL night. We have SOmuch in commen cristancia thought she was IN LOVE. so then they appacareted to N's loft in NYC. and then they had firewiskey and N even let me braid his hare and put plowers in it like they did in tangled cause it is his favuroute movie ever! (HE IS STR* THO BELIEVE ME N IS SO HERETO AND EVEN IF HE ISNT HE IS IN MY STORY)

we got very close. N said he was rly hot in the cummon rum so i sad "oh I'll turn the temp down Nkinz." I said giveing him a pet name. He shook his head however and took off his black leather jacket. He then took his shoes off. I crawled over to N and using my teeth tore his socks off seductivaly. his feet wee verry manly and hairy and i got a ledyboner. he looked into my golden eyes and i looked into his malachite eyes and we knew wut to do.

"Suck my digits... ." He said pleading. lol he ust have had itchy toes!

"With pleasure... ." I whispered. (SHE CAN SEE HIS LAST NAME WITH HER MAGIC EYES OKAY!2##!###)

I put his big toe in my mouth and a licked it! It tasted awesome! I sucked on his toes for liek 5 more mins and switched to da next foot. nomnom nom delicioso!;

n and cristancia stared at each otter forever llost in da gazes of whut only coould be true love.! iN ALL the passion of the lookikng the just had to suck tounge passionatley with a mightly burning for a bonafide lovin'~

n broke the kisss "is mah tounge wrong? :(" cris said since why else would he stop smooching her he was part magikarp so he didnt need mouth to breathe. "No cris" n touched my face and it felt like MAGIC. "I want to be in a civil partnership with you. I know u cant marry yet cause your so youn but we could be in a civil patrnetship please cristancia I love u so much i dnt know what id do with out you areound bb!"

"idk n. i love love u more than i loved anything else in the wole wide brand newt world but idk"

"Why NOT."

"bc idk" she stopped thinking! she luuuuuved n and he love she so WTF NOT~!11 U dnt run her lyfe you cnt tell her wat to do she is a graown mature lady!'

"k" and then they licked nips and fucked and went to a priest named friar lawnrernce or something to civil paternship them together!

" So Romeo and Juliet... i mean cristancia winifred kisama and n harmonia du u take eachother into civial partnership and live together for now?"

"Of course." N said matter affectlyedily

"YESS OF COURSE!" I screamed and grabbed and N and kissed him and he picked me up bridal style but then i punched him and i was like "NIGGA FUCK NO!" n i jumped on his back and made him piggyback me.

* * *

"N TOLD U NO TO BRING ANYMORE GURLS IN DA HOUSE!" Screamed a fat old man that had N's hair and his eyes but he was fat and lardy.

"who iz this?" i asked Nkinz and he replied grumply, "My dad..."

he was very angry. he was very tumors.

"I TOLD U FEMALES STEAL UR PURITY AND GIVE YOU AIDS!" GHETIS BOOMED

"WELL I AM A LEGENDARY POKEMON AND I DONT GET STDS!" I screamed back

Ghetis gasped, "legit? too legit to quit? k u are super cool!" he said, and told me about how he believes pokephilia is the way for humans to go on in the world and free them from unova.

"I'm also a Digimon!" it was true i was cristanciamon.

N suddenly got angry, "DAD I KNOW U ARE LYING U SON OF A BITCH!" He shouted and grabbed me and ran out da door.

* * *

it turns out the N's dad was really using N to control all pokemon and N didnt want him to hurt me.

"I'm leaving my dad now..." N ganbe

"i left hogwartz.." i mumbled

"well... maybe we shuld run away."

'no im done with running!" i screamed in angst and was all pissed off.

"MY LIFE SUCKS! MY PARENTS ARE DEAD, I CANT GEET A JOB AND I AM SURRONDED MY FUCKING GOLBLINS ALL DA TIME!" I screamed. then i realized my aprents were alive.

"wait nvm." i said and grabbed my magic guitar, "no more running away we are going to face our fears and live our lives." I grabbed N and put him in my clevage and flew to hogwarts.


	13. i cant think of a name

**hai gays its cristancia agen! hehee so hwos everyone? in school my eng teach wants us to make fictonal novels 4 skool. SHOULD I SUBMIT CRISTANCIA AS MY STORY? I BET ILL GET AN A+++++++++++**

**CUZ IM BETTER THEN U DICKS.**

**loljk**

**i 333333333 u guis**

L8er on Cristancia lander her magic broomstick on hogwarts. I laned my broomstivk on the balconie of my house, crisindor.

N walked in "oh wow nice place." he said and saw der was only one bed in and the room and a mirror above it he thenblushed a lottt.

"Da fuck u blushing at perv? you gonna sleep on the carpet but first lets see dumbledore." i say to him.

We run hand in hand to dumbledore's office, "LALALALA." we sing tgether. we finally arrived at the doors and nocked. but they wouldnt open.

"OH ACID POPS!" I shouted in angst. N tried to comfort me but i slapped that biutch away. then my vagina started to bleed so i shoved a tampon up that bitch. the doors then opend and we walked in.

Dumbledore waz sitting in da corner mashing his potatos in absolute fury. he then finished and offered us some.

"u see cristancia. i am in charge of this thanskgiving feast." dumbedor said. i nodded ad remembered he wsas evil but also my grandfather like voldemort.

"DUMBLEDORE I WANT TO ENROLL A NEW STUDENT HE WAS RAISED BY POEKMON!1111" i shootrd to him. dumbledore stroked his white bear and groaned.

"fineeeeee but he has to take da test on pottermore cuz the sorting hat is in the tailor being repaired after longbottom threw up on it." he sighed, handing N a shet of papr.

"thansk u sir." n said, writing his name, i peered over his shoulder.

"ur names not N?" i said atonished.

"yep, ghetitis adopted me in da family, my real name is Natural Harmonia Gropious." He said, "the pokemon foundme and raised me. they called me gropius cuz i groped things a lot lol."

"like dis?" i said, grabbing his cock.

"OHH YEAHHHH! PIKACHHUUUU!" he orgasmed in pokemon. dumbledore stood and watched and took pictures as i made a bunch of sexy poses.

anyway dumbledore made an announcemtn, "okay Natural, or N you arein slytherin."

**2 dais l8ter**

I sat in my cummon room all alone. N was buzy being elected student council or someshit lie that. I begun to think of all da good timez me and edqward had as a couple. i sighed now i was with N ands edward was a cunt licker for fucking winry.

Cristancia later was soodying for the second task. she had been to da bathroom and new that something important was going to be taken from her. She kept studying and time went on.

IT WAS THEN THE NEXT DAY

cristancia woke up to birds chirping that she caught in her pokeballs yesterday.

"o boy! the second task!" i shouted happily as i put on my robes. it knew it was at da lake so i put my swimsuit underneath. it was a black bikini with a red dragon across the boobs.

I walked around the halls for a bit and came across N and i kissed him, ":hello love." i greeted him

"hey beautiful..." He said

den i leafted.

**THE SECOND TASK!111111one11111!**

Cristaqncia was standing on the ledge of some wodden shit.

"on ur mark! go!"

cris leafted into the water and swam around.

she began to glow, becoming a mermaid.

"ahahaahah!' she laughed, swimming and diving intot he depths. She dove into the water and saw N and Ed trapped with a bunch of other people!

"OMG I GUESS I LOVE THEM EQUALLT!" she said, requesing them and bring them to the surface.

"MERLINS BEARD!" shouted professor Clitwick

"EHHHHYEAHHHHHH!" i scramed as ai jumped up and recived a 200

Snape hugged me for this. i luff my daddy. N and Edward were fine.

N stood up and took me, we both hugged and kissed adn then N stopped.

"Cristancia...I have to tell you something..."

"What are we out of condoms?" I asked laughing cuz my vagina was so gar i didn't need no rubber. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

"No dats not it." He said.

"What is it?" i said sad he was saf too.

"I am...the love child...of DUMBLEDORE AND VOLDEMORT!111111111111111111111111111"

"WHATTTTTT!" I SCREAMED AND CRIED.

"I AM SORRY BUT YOU ARE SO FUCKING SEXY I AM YOUR UNCLE!"

Cristancia cried becuaser the incest was over 9000000000.

And N turned into a raven and screamed, "NEVERMORE" and flew away.

Edward ran into da room.

"CRISTANCIA!" He shouted, "r u okay?" he asked

"no en lied and he's evil.' she cried into his arms.

"I LOVE YOUUUU" Edward said, cradling her.

"I keeled that skank winry." ed said.

**TJHE ENBD FOR NWOWWWW**


	14. THE BEGINNING OF THE END CAPLOCK STUCK!

**hey guys cris here. i missed da deadline for it :( so i cant show my teacher cristancia...anywayyyyyyy**

**HEATHER IS A SKANK SHE STOLE MY BOYFRIEND! welll we weren't dating just yet...**

It couldn't be a more beautiful day on Hogwarts grounds. On the delightful Tuesday our epic tale continues, Cristancia Kisama was on a leisurely stroll around and about the Great Lake. She steered clear of the Whomping Willow tree, because who the fuck would want to go near that thing? With the third task in the Triwizard Tournament, the young heroine was becoming less and less sure of herself. It could be anything, sure she'd blown through the other tasks but the scent in the air and Cristancia's glistening orange eyes warned her of impending doom.

As Christancia walked about the yard, the crisp spring air on the cold side of the pillow kind of fresh, she found her way on the edge of the forbidden forest. A large yet thing tree with branches that resembled a weave, Cristancia climbed under the branches, to the trunk of the tree. Knots in the tree formed a beautiful sassy ass African persona. Suddenly, the face came to life. IT WAS MOTHER FUCKING TYRA BANKS BUT LIKE A TREE. lol

Tyra made an orgasmic squeaky tree noise. "Ohhhhhh Cristannnnicaaahhh. You have been so brave. You have fought so heard and your heart and virtues have been tested time and time again."

"tyra why are you a tree" I was upset with Tyra. Who did she think she was turning into a tree as she pleases? THERE IS NO ANTM WITHOUT TYRA.

Tyra seemed pissed and ignored my totally valid question. I guess trees are sensitive this time of year. New spring leaves is like sheading your tree

s uterine liner. And then growing it back. Poor trees. :( "Cristancia, You are one of five beautiful wizards in the triwizard tournament but I only have four golden leaves to give. . . do you understand what this means?"

I knew exactly what she meant, and I wasn't fucking happy about it! Cristancia responded meakly "There's not going to be a Cycle 18? Tyra how could you do this to me? We were ALL rooting for you!" GEDDIT CAUSE TREES HAVE ROOTS?"

"No you fucking dumbass it means you need to fucking kill one of the fucking wizards you're up againts genius!" Tyra SEETHED. " OR YOU WILL DIE TRYING."

***xxx***

I woke up to the cruel ugly face of Troy Bolton and a bucket of wet noodles. "Comm'on, Kisama! You gotta get your head in the GAME, broski."

Wow, he must have been watching me sleep. That's really cute. I actually just like. unfski. but basketball jerseys remind me of bad things like baby powder in my earlobes. "how did you get in my house, troy bolton?" I breathed heavy, his body overlapping with wet noodles and ragu sauce that I could just eat right off him...I WAS HUNGRY.

"Practice makes perfect, Cristancia" Troy Bolton said licking some of the delicious and utterly seductive red period like sauce from his pinkie toe. "I've been sent here by Master Banks."

I was utterly appalled! "YOU WORKED FOR TYRA BANKS AFTER ALL THIS TIME?" "Always," Troy responded. "BUT HOW?" I questioned.

Soon enough Troy Bolton grabbed what I assumed was a peepeer and whipped it up, and it also ripped off his skin! WTF, I thought. Standing beforte me was one tall glass of water, easily six foot nine, lanky and leanly muscular, long dark mahogany hair sweeping all the way down his, or her back. Troy's skin lay on the floor.

Troy flipped her hair back and tugged at her Victoria's Secret yoga pants and pulled at her thong. "My real name, honey boo boo child, is Helen. I am here to help you be the best that you can be!"Helen readjusted her push up and itched her cootchah.

There was ragu all over my floor and now there was this girl in my room who was not covered with noodles and Tyra Banks kept pressuring and I feel like she's going to put me in the bottom two and I just have a lot of emotions and well fuck look at that I got my period all over my sheets and I was wearing my new silky bloomers and my dad is obviously having an affair with Hermione Granger and I thought she was mine and my mom is just really ugly and I just have all these emotions and I can't escape them and I'm just like in a glass case of them you know/ The weight of the world is on my shoulders and I just want to eat carbs and be a mormon or whatever the guys who didnt wear shoes in the woods were and I just don't know why everyone relies On me I just/ Im just a girl.

god i needed some fucking chocolate

Later that evening...the third and final task was about to begin. Cristancia stood outside the entrance of the maze of bushes. If this had been a year earlier, Cristancia would be riding her broomstick around here. She imagined herself flying and doing tricks, while catching the snitch before Harry Potter could. The sound of trumpets brought Cristancia back to reality. The task was beginning.

Cristancia walked into the maze, the sound of branches being stepped on entered her ears. Before she could do anything, a large red light flew at her.

"PROTEGO!" She shouted, waving her beautiful wand and forming a reflective bubble around her. The bubble reflected the attack back at the figure. The charm wore off and Cristancia braced herself.

But nothing happened... Cristancia opened her purple eyes, which were full of fear, only to see...

A giant pot...which was above a stoking fire.

"W...What?" She asked herself. The figure laughed...revealing himself to be...Victor Crum!

He laughed, his laughter full of his foreign accent.

"Ohohoho..." He chuckled, and revealed Snape to be dangling from the sky, tied to a chain.

"Daddy!" Cristancia shouted and was about to run to Victor. But Victor laughed, and he pulled a lever and Snape plunged into the boiling Bulgarian rum.

"NOOOOOOO!" Cristancia cried out, her eyes flashing a sky blue to a deep blood red.

"Youuuu!" She shouted, fangs coming out of her mouth, "Youu...hurt...daddy!" She shouted in a demonic voice. She then ran at Victor, slicing him with her claws. Victor howled in pain, as blood ran out of his veins.

Cristancia cried once more, her body was then engulfed by beautiful flames.

"Solar Planet Power!" She shouted, glowing. Her usual robes transformed into a white sailor uniform, with a golden yellow shirt with blue stripes at the bottom.

"I am Sailor Sol!" She shouted, ripping out her scepter that had the sun on it.

"Apollo's Breath!" She screamed, waving the wand at Victor, which erupted a golden fire. The fire caught Victor and the giant pot. Crum's body burnt to the crisp, and his pot burst, pouring rum everywhere. Snape's deceased body floated out.

Cristancia changed back into her normal self and she ran to her father's lifeless corpse.

"No! Dad!" She shouted, holding his body.

Why would anyone do such a thing? Why would Victor do this to such a kind loving innocent man like her father figure!

"Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad?" She said over and over again. She carried his body with her and couldn't leave him. Soon, she found Fluer...who had been sexually assaulted to death by Cedric, Troy...I mean Helen's brother.

"Why? Did you really want to fuck her?" Cristancia asked in a fury. Cedric nodded and grinned, stroking his penis. Cristancia growled, and leaped at him, but Cedric dodged and the two wrestled towards the cup. They both grabbed it at the same time, transporting to a new place.

"A portkey?" Diggory said, realizing they were in a graveyard.

Cristancia was then grabbed by someone and pulled away.

"W-who's here!" She asked.

"Lumos." The voice said, revealing himself to be Harry Potter.

"You're late." He smiled.

"Late for what?" Cris asked.

"The Brawl Tournament of course!"

"Oh...for the tournament? I love Brawl!" Cristancia said.

"Me too!" Harry said, then they both ran hand in hand to Cedric.

"Geez Ced put some fucking clothes on." Harry said, handing him a robe from god only knows where.

"Fine...I like to feel a breeze between my knees." He proclaimed, but put it on.

Cristancia looked around, "Hm...I guess...it should work." She said, seeing a giant flat screen TV that was hoisted up by several grim looking gravestones.

Suddenly a bunch of people showed up...everyone was there! Mom, Dead dad, Hermione, Ron, Sonny, Draco, everyone from Hogwarts.

Cristancia gasped, "Are you all here to watch?" She asked.

"No we're here to play!" They all shouted back.

**CLIFFHANGER LOL**


	15. so long my friends 3

Hey** guys its the final chapter! i hope ur all excited as me! hehe. thank all of you that have been reading since da start it means a lot. I am so done with all you h8ers jesus just enjoy my story becuase i know its better then urs. Thx heather for da help with my story.**

I couldn't believe it! We were gonna play brawl! My favorite game! Then something was weird.

"You're not very smart are you?" Wormtail said, giggling like a creepy pedophile. I glared at the human rat thing.

"What do you mean you prick?!" I asked him, my hair turning a bright red along with my green eyes. Wormtail backed off, "Well..." He began, and all the friendly faces I saw turned into death eater masks. I gasped.

"Kill the spare!" A hoarse voice said. Wormtail looked at Cedric and raised his crusty wand.

"Avada Kadavra!" He screamed, and a flash of green light erupted, shooting into Cedric, "No!" Harry and I screamed. Cedric fell to the ground with thud. He was dead as a doorsnail.** (AN Doorsnails exist they are cute snails with door shells)**

Harry gasped and Wormtail shoved him onto a gravestone, and with magic he couldn't move. He turned and did the same thing to me. The man walked over to another gravestone and started digging everything around it, finally stopping when he had something white in his hands.

"The pelvic bones of Tom Riddle!" He screamed. I glared, "You mean aunt voldy?" I asked, "What do you want with him, leave him alone!" I shouted. Wormtail laughed, "Oh you silly little turnip. This is his father's aka your greatgrandpapa." He finished, throwing the bones into a green fire. Then he moved over to me.

"Blood of the enemy..." He said, cutting me and taking my blood. I growled, "I'm not his enemy you dickwad!" I screamed. Wormtail moved over to Harry. He pulled down his pants and took what looked like an eyedropper. Then he began to collect Harry's semen, "Sperm of the rival." He said, tossing both liquids into the fire. Then he said, "Flesh of the servant...willingly taken." He said, slicing his hand off and it landed into the fire. Then from out of the fire, Voldemort appeared.

"What the fuck!" I screamed, "Aunt!" I screamed. He grinned, "Oh please...you actually though...I was the good guy?" He asked laughing. I began to cry, my tears were blue but then turned to red and blood.

"BRAWL IS 4 GAIS LETS GO SHOPPING" Voldemort screetched

we were all transported to a deserted shopping mall "RUN FIVE YOUR LYFE BUTCHES" evryone ran around screeming and the lights dimmed

"SOMEONE GET THE MOTHERFUCKING SALT" I yelled i studied demon hunting at whorwarts.

suddently all des ppeople good n bad came out of no where my mom my family roy mustang inuasahua rose tyler. all of my friends: cat jade troy hellen all of my good peers came to fight wit me.

"OI GOOD GUYS: HOME BASE IS HOT TOPIC!" the goodies ran to hot topic to organize a plan whilst the bad guys hoarded in hollister to count their leigions/

i started to crey in hot topic "WHY ARE ALL MY LOVED ONES HERE U WILLL GET HURT" "WE ARE HERE TO PROTECT AND FIGHT FOR U MY CHUM: THEY ALL SAID IN UNISON

omg guise no i ham defeat the dark lorcd on my own u ned to go home b4 u gusis e get hurt

ugh whatever cant stop em now

meanwhile at holiters: WE CANT SEE ANYTHING I THINK IM CHOKIN GUS. HOW AR E WE GONNA DEPEAT CRISTANCIA NOW

voldemor hushed them all as n took the thronw beside him.

"now son...it is time to kill cristancia and claim hogwarts as my own!" VOldemort laughed.

ENS PERSPECTIVE:

i had to do something i luffed cristancia she was my first virgin and her skin was so flawless I WAS MADE TO HATE HER BUT I CANT HELP BUT LOVE HER

UGH

*cries orphan tears*

i needed to tell her how i feel, i need to work thing sout

daearest cristancia

we all no i am better at writing than anything else. i was created by the deemon legions of gays for one reason. out of pure evil and flashy fashion choices i was created. . .to destpry you. THEN I MET YOU. i know its crazy but i luf you kinda. ykk. yuu have the biggest juggs ive ever seen and they raise up and down as you sing dah highs and lows. u sang ur way into my heart AND I WILL NEVR FOVERGIVE YOU FOR THAT. the forces that have nutin do do with u have kept us apart n it sux! i have to keel you. but i dunt wanna. idk. maybe together we can work somthin out. hook up in macys ? if u aqree gimme a huggie:)

since i am an experienced computer and script and tum blr them e writer i encombded dah letter into owl feathers and idk it looked like a fucking tron

i am also classiclly trainted ninja assasssin so i easily tunned ducked and rolled out of hollister. between my skills gained whist playing secret agent barbie and also the dimme lighting in hollister it was an easy escape. als o veryone waqs haveing hives because ms kruvoldemort kept sraying this shit even though we were all allergic to this crap.

"HOW CAN YOU BE ALLERGIC TO SEXY FRAGENCE WHEN U ARE MY LEGIN THIS IS MY PERFUME OF CHOICE GOD YOU INCONSIDERAGTE BASTARDS. AVASDA KILL! DIE!11" voldemort screamed in angry, how dare they not like his perfume!

meanwhile in hot topic*

cristancia gathered her groupies together, some dressed all gothic because why the fuck not theyre in hot topic. And of course Freddie fucking benson showed up and no one invited him and he had his fucking camera with him filming us. Luckily sam puckett showed up and gav him a wedgie then they made out.

gosh romance is weird

then all da sunnden SUNNY came up and looked happy as ever.

"cristancis i gotta tell u somethign, i on the dark side bevcause im a huge bitch skank lol" she said, looking ugly as ever. Cristancia already saw this because she can see the future, her golden eyes told her so.

Cristancia grtabbbed sunny by the neck and gav eher a cuntpunt and she flew out of hot topic into the really shitty pet store where puppies mauled her to death.( TAKE THAT HEATHER I CANT BELIEV E U TAKING MY CRusH AND NOT EVEN CARING)

After that Cristancia prepared for the battle of her life.

"Cristancia! Bad news iCarly is over and Voldemort says he's planning on challenging you to a game of Tag you're it!" A boy said, and a girl walked over to him and shook her head, "No! He said Marco Polo in the fountain!"

Cristancia sighed, this is bad...icarly is over :( and voldemort wants to kil me. First things first...I need to desal with a green haired tranny...N.

MEANWHILE

i finally managed to get into macy's and i barrel rolled into da jewley section. since im a villian i just kinda took a bunch of shit, including some bling, some rings, and sometihng classy to tie back my buetiful green locks of hair.

"pikapika." i called to my pokemon brothern, and they came. "give this to cristancia...the faIREST of them all." i said, handing da note to a pikachu. the woodland pokemon all ran off to find her.

AGAIN AT HOT TOPIC

cristancia sat behind da counter of hot topic, their was an occasicnaol customer and cris' lil army was being prepared. honestly when ur at hot topic u really cant get that much to protect urself. cris rolled her eyes as these idiots thought that wearing a hot topic brand t shirt would be able to halt some avada kadavra shit. They were putting on corsets and rubber bracelts. They used record discs to fling at the enemies and hair spray to spray at dere eyes.

cristancia was so unamused she just left and went to jareds where she forged her own armor out of diamonds. then she went to the weapons kiosk in the middle of the mall where she got an assortment of weapons, "I'm going buffy on their asses." she delclared pickign up a stake.

a yellow mouse ran at her, with the swiftness of an ovulating squirrel she decapitated da pikachu with her bare teeth. cristancia gasped, "o sorry! i didnt see u there!" she picked up the letter in its paws and began to read.

_daearest cristancia_

_we all no i am better at writing than anything else. i was created by the deemon legions of gays for one reason. out of pure evil and flashy fashion choices i was created. . .to destpry you. THEN I MET YOU. i know its crazy but i luf you kinda. ykk. yuu have the biggest juggs ive ever seen and they raise up and down as you sing dah highs and lows. u sang ur way into my heart AND I WILL NEVR FOVERGIVE YOU FOR THAT. the forces that have nutin do do with u have kept us apart n it sux! i have to keel you. but i dunt wanna. idk. maybe together we can work somthin out. hook up in macys ? if u aqree gimme a huggie:)_

"are u fucking kidding me?" cris roared in rage, "Well at least i know where to find him."

eventually cris made it to macy's and looked around for the man she was once in a civil partnership with. N was sitting around, wearing a large amount of bling, sunglasses and a gansta hat.

"wtf N." she said in disgust. N got on one knee and held out a beautiful ring, "will u mary me?"

and that was when cristancia curbstomped him. 'we r never getting back togerthr'

cristancia was not about to take no bullshit from some pansy ass self aggrandizing wench nu uh no way she'd had enought of this little cum gulzzzling gutter slut she twisted her six inch spiked black stileto heels into his groan and walked off to hollister just as 'i new u were trtoubble' came on the radio

she had bigger fish to fry and by fish she ment wrinlky wizard weenies

i stood outside hollister and rung the door bell on on the totes vintages worn navy blu door. corbin bluo answerd the door timidedly

"OMG U R CRISTANCIAA!" i shot lots of magic at his penis "YA WHAT OF IT NUGGUT"

'omg not notnonono' his fro licked my feet 'i want 2 help you, i will do anythng to make shure zack efron makes it out alrgiht'

gay marriage was just legalized in this state so as future dication i pleasyd the prince of the night 'just bring me to him' i said solomanly

glitter shook from every ringlit of his afro and a condom fell out.

tom riddle apprichd wearing ripped destroyed demin jeans, and a fitted tangerine hillister t and flip flops and sun glasses

he took off his songlasses 'FIGHT BACK YOU COWARD FIGHT BACK' i yelled at him

suddently a crowd of peopl were around us and we were circling each other like in a musical number but scary

a tumblr weed blows through the wind

"yo mama was a wailord." he insulted me.

"yo daughter was a wailord." I said back because they were the same person.

suddnely voldemort pulled out a gun, and guns kill.

"DIE BITTCH!" He shouted and shoooted me.

I fell to the cold hard ground. i was...dead...

edward elric scream"SNOOON BABY" from the crowd and rushed over to crustancias bedside

"nonononono dont die dont die dont die just please dont be dead" PLEASE"I LOVE YOU YOu ARE THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE EVER LOVeD" NOT YOU TOO

edward rusted his metal arm with his tears

everyoen around her cried crystal tears at the sight of a dead friend, hero, and country star

an angery cicious troop of girl scoup cristancia fantatix trampped lord voldemort to his death (if only we knew it was so easy ahah!)

"WE WROTE EDSTANCIA FANFICTION YOU SCANDELOUS BASTARD"" THE SCREAMED

suddly the pool of flooded tears over cristancia began to choke her

BUT DEAD PEOPLE CANT CHOKE SILLY AHAH the tears sparkled and cristancia came bake to life with the mutual sadness betweeen good guys and bad guys over her almost death (also the edward tried preforeming alchemy witht he girl scoutst so they could get their aclemy patch) christ ancia was alive and wel!

god bless you all chris said in the wise words of francium she hugged and kissed everyone on the mouth in thansk for their tears and had sexual intercouse witrh edward inside of alphonses suit of armor when no one was looking

they thought all was well

during a celebatory taco bell session at the food court a giant worm hole formed in the deep fryer vat

evry one was sdcreamin and cryin cause omg cant a bitch get a fuckin break cristancia said she stood up and walked to the depe fryedr.

ed screamed "NO CRISTANCIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

it needs blood i said it will only stop when it gets blood

**(omg guys while u read this play this song watch?v=C0a9b2ucnrU)**

everyoen said "NO" in unison

"it has to be me, im the chosen one" christancia prolmained. she walked over to sonny who was itching her vagina

"sonny listen to me thers not enough time i love you, like a pet gerbal i forget to feed. i will always love you like a pet gerbil i forget to feed. this is the job that puts bread on the table. send orgasms to my friends, you have to fuck them now, you have to fuck each other. tell dumblefore i figured out the stuff and im the hardest thing in this world. . .is to live in it be brave. be strong. be sexy. be ferice. for me"

i turned back and jumped int othe vat of deep fried hell and experianced malice in my body parts a lot this was it this was how it ends

i experianced flash backs of the happiest moments of my life

- being accepted into hogwarts

-meeting edward elric my one and only luff

-finding my real father, id be with him soon

-preforming at the talent show

-making so many beautiful friends, their faves flashed before my eyes

-the yule ball and princessness

-savin the world and avenging my family

it was all going to end now, and id barely had time to say goodbye, well yoolo i guess

i wass falling falling falling through a bright winding light with the vauge smell of pinneaple and seman

suddently edward elric was next to me "ud think idd let you get away again?" ed said smiling

"u, jumpin n for me?" i cried "oh edward ur a complete fuckn retard!"

we kised passionnntly as we spirlaled into death together

so this was my life, the life of cristancia. cristancia winifred kisama. and u knwo what? i woundt change a thing

_**Cristancia Winifred Kisama**_

_**July 32 2010-March 2 2013**_

_**Beloved Friend, Role Model, Sex Goddess**_

_**She saved you with her blood**_

**AN: IM CRYING SO HARD OMF THIS IS SO SAD IW ANT TO RUP MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT FOR GIVING ME SO MANY FEEEL SBUT ITS OKAY GUYS IM HEAR 4 U**

_**THE END...**_

_**FIN**_


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